#september

September. My favorite month of the year. I'm pretty sure you can guess why and I am not shy to admit so too. It's the month of the year when my mom gave birth to her first baby 19 years ago. I'm sure she still remembers it like it was just yesterday. Even though I'm a horrible daughter to have, i lose my temper all the time, i raise my voice all the time, but she still loves me and i admit that i will always love her too. This is what comes out of me when i blog at night. Sentimental stuff, not usually my style. I guess I'm going to bombard you guys with some virgo facts and tell you if i can relate or not just to cut out all the sentimental shit i wrote.

' Virgo women are the suffer in silence type. They internalise a lot of hurt feelings and stress because they don't like to burden others'

Sorry to say this but it's NOT true. I mean maybe the not wanting to burden others is true, i don't like asking for favours because i don't know. i'm pretty sure everyone else has better things to do though this does not apply to my family members. I like relying on them, sometimes way too much but when it comes to my friends, i would think twice before asking them for help. Yes back to the suffer in silence type. HAHAHA. There's just no way Audrey can keep things to herself. I tell everyone everything. Well things about me of course, I have no problem expressing myself. I do it quite frequently too. It doesn't matter where I am or what time it is, I can always talk. Well, maybe not to everyone, just those who i know would really listen and actually have something nice to say afterwards. Woah don't get it the wrong way, I don't want people to tell me what I want to hear. I want the truth even if it's ugly. Note that. I like honest and straightforward people so don't beat around the bush because that pisses me off. You want something. Say it to my face. Or my hand. It works either way.

'If your girlfriend ain't a Virgo. I feel bad for you son.'

Okay actually. If your girlfriend was a virgo, I'd feel bad for you. You would have to deal with constant mood swings, yelling, coldness, mushiness, accusation, reassurance, and a whole of ugly stuff. Being the insecure people we are, this is what happens. You will hear constant "do you really love me?" "why do you love me" "what is it that you love about me" or even maybe "i hate you don't talk to me you piss me off don't text me don't you dare call me i'm breaking up with you this is over i don't ever want to see you again shut up eff off go away..." and that's only 16% of everything. But of course, it doesn't apply to everyone okay? I'm just saying this base on my experience :) HAHA 

'A virgo woman likes to work alone.'

Well its not that i like to work alone, it's just that i get things done faster alone. I am way more productive when i'm on my own because obviously there isn't anyone there for me to distract. Also one thing about myself is that I am a great distraction and i don't even have to try. Top reason why i never go study with my friends when they ask me to, I go there and all of us will end up with nothing but empty chat and laughter. The truth is I like working with people, I like how they give opinions and reactions or ideas which i can learn from. Maybe sometimes I can't take criticisms but all the time i am trying to accept everyone's opinion even if i don't like them. Accepting everyone's opinion is actually a hard thing for me however the irony is that i am easily influenced. I go with any plan as long as everyone is pleased with it. 

'Virgo women are extremely precise. We know exactly what we want, but we like things to be perfect. That is why we are fussy.'

Surprisingly true. I always think of myself as someone who would just go with the flow but truth is when i let someone take over and he/she does the opposite of what i want. I have the urge to punch them in the face. I can't help it. It's just Virgo logic. I do like things to be perfect. I spend a lot of time in my head thinking about the perfect things that would happen in everyday life but of course they seldom do. It however does keep me from falling asleep during maths so keep in mind that whenever i'm not asleep during maths. I am actually day dreaming while still keeping a straight face as if i'm listening to the teacher. Fussy. I guess fussy is my middle name. I see something out of place, i flinch. This does not really make me a very organize person. My room is a horrible mess, clothes everywhere, books piled up everywhere. Junk everywhere. Okay I think you have a very precise picture of how my room would look like. So call me when you're heading over, preferably 3 days before you come. Thank you.

'Virgos can sometimes come off as harsh but they have the best intentions.'

Yes, I apologize to anyone I've offended but I really really didn't mean them. I don't like conflict. I tend to avoid them (maybe not when I'm on my period) because fighting someone is very tiring. I can't sleep knowing somewhere out there, someone wants to grab a knife and stab me at night. I shy off whenever someone picks a fight (a real one) not because i'm a coward, simply because i don't want to make things worst. To be honest, I don't want to get myself involve in so many emotional things but it's fairly interesting so I keep getting myself hunched. I do have the best intentions. When I say something offensive to someone, it's probably because i wanted to make someone laugh and it means a lot to me that someone actually laughs at my jokes even though they all involve human anatomy. When I say something sarcastic it's usually because I want you to realize what you're doing it is upsetting me so that you actually stop before i smack your face. 

I would really love to go through some more but I am dead tired and a bug just flew straight into my face. I'm going to have to end this banana cookies baking session right here. 

'cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need,

chasing relentlessly still fight and i don't know why'

#bananacookies

changed my link. changed my background. changed my username. changed my picture. because i just noticed how ugly they used to be wtf. and also i feel like reducing my stalkers. i'm sorry i'm blogging so much this week. i'll try not to blog so much. i just feel like filling my new background with some words. i guess i'll talk about the library this time. how clueless i was when i was selected as president around this time a year ago. votes were done. decisions are made. hands were shook. then BAM. you get a shitload of responsibilities. i know it's not like it's all that being the head of the library, i mean people assume that you only have to arrange books, borrow and return books, clean the shelves and stuff and maybe yes that's pretty much all we do but things aren't that easy. how would feel having to arrange the books every time and come back to only find another whole pile of mess. you won't get to fret. you won't get to complain. you can't get mad (and we all that's just impossible for Audrey). the new form 6 system is really giving us a hard time. No, i'm not going to complain about form 6 being SO hard because i'm practically immune to the whole thing. it's just that it does reduce the time we have to actually organized some activities for the library, i personally have a lot of things i would like to do with the library, but the teacher usually cockblocks me or i just don't have the determination or time to actually start. here i am sitting, thinking back about all the things my comrades and i have done for the library. it's truly something i will always remember for the rest of my life. it's the thing how i know i can just rely on them and that they can depend on me. it puts me at ease to work with these wonderful people because they do a great job at anything i throw at them. whenever i have a problem. i grab some of them and *drum rolls* the problem just automatically solves itself. i'm writing this because it's almost time for all of us to retire. i would like to thank everyone of the AJKs for all their hardwork. Miss Principal, always always on time with the merit marks. always always there to arrange the books neatly. Miss Enlighten, always ready to stay back or come back on a Saturday to help out, always open to suggestions and always ready to lend a hand. Miss Angel. Thank you for taking care of our money. thank you for doing all the accounts. thank you for being such an awesome promoter too. i need to thank you for selling all of the bookmarks the library made :) we wouldn't have done it without you.  Not forgetting Mr we-have-the-same-bday. Thank you so much for putting up with our gossips and moodswings, thank you so much for arranging the books when no one else wants to do it, thank you so much for all the jokes you make to try and cheer me up. it means a lot to me and to the girls :) Miss Snow White, i remember the gorgeous cards you made during Family Reading Day. Miss psyduck and all her cute gestures, i must thank you for you creativeness. we wouldn't have been able to put that head up on that backdrop if it wasn't for you ;) Miss Scorpio, for always typing all the stuff i don't want to, for always jotting down everything i say during meetings, always doings so MORE than you should, always coming back on a saturday to help even though you live on the other side of the planet, always reducing my burdens. Miss Banana, always coming into the library without a card because the discipline unit never gave you yours. Miss CC, for always giving me advice, always asking me if i need help. thank you. Now that our days as Library committee members are coming to an end, let's rejoice on our soon to be freedom :)

'So I'm wishing, wishing further

For the excitement to arrive'

#carrot-bunny

i think it's probably time i do some serious blogging. so here it goes.

life is beautiful. so many things left unsaid. so many things to discover. so many places you wish to go. so many things you wish to do. so many people you'd like to meet and of course, tones choices of people you could spend your whole life with. so little time.

you might be going through a storm now but everyone knows that a rainbow is what you'll see after. you might feel like jumping off a cliff but i guarantee you that you're going to regret it when you're already flying through the free fall. you might feel like you're drifting away and no one seems to notice but i swear that someone is going to pull you back because they care enough. you might feel like things are just better left unsaid but one day it will come back and haunt you. you might feel like being brave takes up too much courage but enduring it will take up even more.

sometimes it's just better to be frank. sometimes it's better to just express yourself. sometimes it's just better to make people understand how you feel. sometimes it's just better to break down the wall. sometimes it's just better to be truthful, truthful to yourself. it's good to avoid conflict. it's good to avoid heartbreak. but how is it that you grow from the mistakes if you avoid all the hardships in life. it's okay to be afraid. it's okay to feel insecure. it's okay to break down. it's okay to cry. it's okay if you need something to lean on. it's okay if that person has to be me. i'm right here. whether you like it or not.

i find you intriguing as you find my imagination to be. i find you radiant with that personality of yours. i like the way you laugh at all my pointless carrot-bunny jokes. i like how things just goes so well whenever you're around. i like the way you listen and actually empathize with me. i like how you trust me so much because you put all your faith in me. i like how you depend on me and i'd like you to keep doing that whenever you feel like it. you're not alone. i don't want to let you go through this alone. because i want to be the one who's going to pull you back when you drift far far away and if that doesn't work. i'll drift away with you.

'i said can you give it back to me? 

he said never in your wildest dreams.'

#hee

i have terrible terrible mood swings. I cannot count how many times i've went "UGH!" to "YAY~" and then to "GAH!" and back to "AWW~" and the process goes on and on. I can't control these things. They just come and go and if i don't express myself and keep things like this bottle up. One, I would either EXPLODE. Two, I would break down and GROSS sob in front of everyone. It happened a few times now. I haven't got there yet this year and I have my friends to thank ( you know who you are ). I don't know why i fan girl over younger guys, I DON'T KNOW. I don't want to actually but I just cannot help it. I see a cute guy, I have to swoon whether i show it or not. IT happens. Last week had been a stressful week and  i have a feeling it's not going to end soon. I am really frustrated but at the same time happy because that's just me. Take it or leave it. I hope these PBS are over with quickly. I hope these experiments are over with fast. I wish the remaining time we have together would just slow down a little, so that i can take a second to actually wonder about the whys and whens and of course all the what ifs. Okay. back to stressful life. See ya.

# ponytails

Hi there. My name is Audrey. I do wonder what my mom would name me if I was a male. She'd probably give me my little brother's name. OMG nvm. Yes yes, here i am again back with a if i were a boy post. The last one I did was kinda boring if you ask me. It's just paragraphs about how my life would be better if i didn't have boobs. Well life is better if you have smaller boobs. you have no idea how much effort it takes to carry these things around. I swear. I can never keep a straight blog. HAHA i just made a straight joke. Get it? You don't? Really? Okay. Fine. Putting my boobs aside. I'm going to relate being a boy to some of my classmates. I hope I don't offend anyone but if i do, I'm not really sorry.

Well personally, I think Mr BF and I would still be best friend even if I was the opposite gender. Maybe I'd bully him a lot when we were younger but I'll eventually see the 'good' in him and we became the best of friends. HAHA NO. If I were a boy, I'd probably be cool with all the guys. Mr BF and I would be friends but I'm not sure if we'll get to the best friend part. Let me know if you think we would? ;) I'd probably still be a fifit member? PRETTY PLEASE. Very unlikely though. I'm pretty sure Miss iiyee might hate my guts and Miss Moley might think I'm annoying as eff. However, we still get along and they might give me a chance and let me join their chemistry group or maybe physics... Talking about Physics, Mr Bestah would probably be my buddy. We would probably gather all the boys and play ball sometimes. I'd probably be his favorite male student and Miss Jay could be the favorite female student. Speaking of Miss Jay, I'd probably never be able to touch her boobies and have her chase me to take a slam at mine but I think Miss Jay and I would still get along fine. We can still sing duets when we're bored in class or when we want to annoy the hell out of people. She will and probably always be my Karoke partner. Miss Angel, I'd probably play with her a lot. Ruffle her hair sometimes and make her pinch me real hard while i act all tough saying it doesn't hurt but the truth is it felt like she was kicking my nuts. I'm going to talk about the guys in my class first coz there's like only 10 of them. Mr Naruto and Mr Bean. The two guys that isolates themselves and have the front seats. I'd probably have a good time talking anime with these two, they make everything seem interesting. Mr Naruto might say some foul words sometimes, HECK I'm probably going to join him and Mr Bean always say something totally random out of the blue and it makes everyone laugh. Moving on to Mr Freedom, once again I will officially apologize on my blog by almost giving you diabetes mellitus type II. I'd probably enjoy Mr Freedom's company, he talks anime, books and songs. He can be my male duet partner and we can sing all day long and not worrying about if my notes are too high for him to sing along to. Coz you know, we're both guys and yeah we have the same frequency? Mr Tall would totally be my basketball buddy! Mr Jaesuk will probably tag along, we would talk about girls all day. Talking about how the juniors are really pretty this year and tease each other about it too. Mr F,  Mr we-have-the-same-bday and I would probably enjoy some alone time talking about 'stuff' hmmm HAHAHA I'm sure you can guess. Then there's Mr Soccer and Mr Fencing, well we could go yamcha, play ball, urm catch a movie? I'm pretty sure we can work something out. Of course not forgetting Mr Key. Oh boy this guy right here would probably be my gay partner whenever i need to shake off some girl. I'd hang around him and pretend that i'm interested just to chase girls away because Mr Key wouldn't even mind. He's awesome like that ;) Miss Enlighten would probably be afraid of me because I'm like super scary. I'd probably be afraid of Miss Principle. And to all the other girls, they'd probably think I'm BIG pervert. Special dedication goes to this one girl. Miss Scorpio. I emphasize on the horoscope is because it's all we ever relate things with! Miss Scorpio would be that girl who would sing all the Taylor Swift songs I love. She'd probably be my girl best friend. I would like how she over reacts sometimes whenever I try to blow her face and she would work for me MUAHAHA because she is my secretary. Like literally. Library stuff. (WOAH I'd be Mr President then X3) We would spend a lot of time together and I would probably take her to prom( well only if she wants to). We would gossip a lot at the round table even though i'm a guy and a lot people would think that i was dating her. She makes you feel better whenever you feel like dumping your face into a toilet bowl. Things will always be 1238 times more interesting when she is around.

Yes that is all for now. I'm going to leave for tuition in like 3 more minutes so.
Bye :)

#all i know is a simple name

everything has changed.
nah.
i'm kidding.
nothing much changed.
perhaps maybe just a little bit.

rose are red,
violets are blue.
bears are attracted to honey,
the same as i am to you.

there's this one guy i've known for almost 7 years.
our first meeting is somewhere in the back of my mind.
i don't remember.
the only sharp memory i had about him is being the short nerdy looking guy who got bullied a lot during our junior years. We were actually in the same class and i completely ignored his existence. Sorry he didn't stand out too much and i'm only 13! the only things i paid attention to are bad boys and hot seniors. i remember him looking super smart one day during geography and i instantly hated him. I hate it when people are better than me. Yes that is how horrible i am. Noted? Yes? Good, one time we were having a brief conversation under some trees near the teacher's parking lot. I d k but i've probably had a short fuse ever since primary 3 because of reasons. This guy with the initials A.M is my nemesis, but we grew out of it and i guess we can still consider ourselves friends. A.M would never shut up about how i have a crush on his brother D.M even though I DON'T so we fight all the time. with fists and grades and more fists. i believe i have always been this aggressive to my classmates. Back to out main path. Somehow short nerdy looking guy managed to bring me out of my shell, i used my viking powered hands and smack him several times 'everywhere'. i was only putting 40% of my effort into use and he was already crying. he cried and cried and things would be really ugly if the teacher found out. I had to think fast so I humbly offered him ice cream. I was sure that it was going to cheer him up, i was sure that he would stop crying. But little did i know he curved his lips into a sinister smile and that was all it took to set my hands on slapping mode again. Well this is only the beginning of our friendship. Who would ever thought that Mr Short Nerdy Looking guy would be such an important piece in my life now?

He grew taller, I can no longer point my fingers down at him. He grew stronger and now i can't bully him that much. Remember how girls are always asking for a guy best friend? Well let me tell you girls something :)
I actually have one. 
Now go sulk in a corner if you must. this guy calls himself my best friend or so he claims to be but he doesn't understand my mood swings, my reactions and even my decisions. We fight all the time over the stupidest things and we annoy the hell out of each other when we want to. This guy right here brings the worst out of me and it drives me crazy. I am all about reputation, all about appearance. if you can't be pretty, you should at least look presentable and cool. But with this guy, I will always. ALWAYS lose my cool. Even so,  there's no other guy who i can act completely myself with. I can always go all PMS on him and he would take it like a man. I can always go through his things and even if he did mind, he would just keep quiet about it. I can always go to him through every ups and downs because he listens and give his honest opinion on everything even if it's all ugly. I can ruffle his hair and grab his glasses and he would just stare into space. I can unbutton his shirt and have him actually trying to do the same to me! We can perform osmosis on each other. We can wear each others shoes. I can go through his wardrobe but he can't go through mine. We can talk about porn, homework, hot people, porn and of course 'stuff'. He makes me update my blog whenever he has the time, he updates his blog with a lot of paragraphs and NO pictures at all. He thinks rocks make good pets. He likes glasses. He likes fringes. He likes 'bubbles'. He likes to sing. He likes to sleep. He's a scorpio and of course. People often mistaken this wonderful guy for my boyfriend. How wrong can they get? I know I've never officially told anyone but this guy right here is my BF AKA Best Friend and i don't think that's going to change for many more years to come. ;)

your domo shirt has got to go.

#hashtag

today has not been a pleasant day for me. there's just so many things i'm worried about. i'm also really disappointed and mad at myself for not being able to discipline myself. i'm NOT doing anything i planned for myself on weekends. I'm actually procrastinating and NOT doing anything to improve my homework. I can't believe I find anime and books a priority comparing to SO many other things i should be doing. I was having a real good day yesterday too. it's surprising how much a day can flush your good mood down the gutter. and to add salt to the wound. Glee Cast Cory Monteith passed away and he's only 31! The first thing that ran into my mind was Lea, Leas Michele, I can't begin to imagine the look on her face, the pain in her chest when she received the news. Thinking about it tears me up and i wish i was only centimeters away SO i can bear hug her. Cory was a beautiful man, sure he had some problems but he's only human. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what's next for Glee? It's so heartbreaking. The whole thing made me think about the horror of losing someone, the pain, the longing. I can't bear with it. I've never had actually and I don't want to ever. I know it's not possible but, God help me, I don't ever want to be in that kind of situation. The thought of it is terrifying it makes me want to cry. well, that's not the end yet, i still have to tell you guys about how crappy my semester 2 result will be, it's going to be out tonight, midnight. words can't describe how i feel at the moment, i feel like i've been bombarded with BAD news the whole day and something gives me the feeling that I'm about to receive more. I did really badly on the second semester. I studied really hard, I am not going to deny it. I worked my butt out last semester and then i got sick on the first day of the actual exam. FML. at first i wasn't feeling all too bad about it but now that i think of it and how it might have affected my answering, i feel like ripping my own throat out. this education fair we had really got me thinking and we all know where thinking too much gets me. -roars- i'm seriously freaking out right now, my stomach is doing flips. i'm already in a horrible mood, i don't need mr D and mrs M to make it worst for me, you guys could have picked another day to yell at each other. i thought things were going to be different, i thought things will get better and that things will change. i'm not saying that it has to go back to the way it was, but i seriously thought that it would get better. i guess i was wrong.

you guys didn't have to read this. it's crap. sorry.