#bearcat

Okay. I have exactly 53 minutes to type this. I really hope I can get this out by midnight. Tomorrow (in 53 minutes) is my best friend's birthday. A beautiful person born into this beautiful world. I know you might find this cheesy but I guess that's how this post is going to be like. So If you're reading this before you give up your Mac to the school, do remember that this is the last thing you did with 'Aero'. I'm sure Aero will happy that Elliot decided to write a little something for his owner (soon to be ex) Okay sorry. No more teasing you about it.

If I were to write about all the memories we had AKA all the fights, osmosis, boob punch, tickling, kicking etc. I would be repeating everything I posted a few months ago. I know you get a lot of appreciation post and mine doesn't really stand out too much but I want you to know that every little thing I type her is coming from me. This soul right here that connects with yours. Don't ask me how or why? It just connects. I know you don't feel like listening to nostalgic stuff right now and I'm pretty sure everyone knows about the 'under-the-tree-incident' or 'MCD-foodfight-pantspulling-faceslapping' so I'll write about something different.

I don't know about you but I thought about how things will be now if you were still here. Well if you did, you might think that it would have been way better if you stayed. But if you ask me, I think it's nice this way too. Besides the distance and some alone time, I finally understand how it feels like to miss someone every single day. I finally know how it feels like to still feel so attached to someone even though they are far away. I finally got to use my skype( never used that shit ). If you were still here, I can get you to drive me around. We would have more Lucy Kitchen moments. We would have more fights. You would distract me a lot! You would sleep in class a lot. You would do a lot of powerpoints for the school. You would be freaking PRESIDENT of my library. ( a wonderful one of course) We would slack off a lot during maths. You would have more time to observe me while I do maths. I would be able to osmosis you any time I want and you can punch my boobs whenever you get the chance. (it hurt last time.)

But no. These things weren't meant to happen and of course there is a reason for all of that. Because you are far away, I feel the need to talk to you everyday. I know we're both busy with school and stuff but you never prioritize those over me. Thank you :) Because you live so far away, I appreciate you more because I feel like if I'm not careful enough, you're just going to slip away and leave. Because I don't really know what you're up to every single day (yes I'm no stalker like you), I want to listen to your stories, I want to relate and I want you to relate to mine. I know it's not easy but I want you to hear them and imagine them like you're there, I'm not asking for too much. Because we don't see each other everyday anymore, I am afraid. Afraid that you might turn into a stranger, someone that I used to know. 14 years more of friendship huh? If faith should step in and we do only have 14 more years of friendship, I sure can't interfere. I want to make those 14 years worth living, I want to spoon feed you again like you said I did, I want to sing songs to you, I want you to sing back too. I want to travel? Remember Japan? I want to drive you around at least LAWL. There's so many things we NEED to do.

Keep telling me all the things that happened on your side because I am going to keep telling you mine. Keep telling me how you think you're going to screw your grades up and then end up being the top of your class. Keep telling me how you wish you were back here because you miss the food. Keep telling me bad stuff about your friends because I kinda enjoy it too. Keep making comments about my Pusheen Cat Stickers on facebook because they are hillarious. Continue to send me selfies with your new phone (show off). Continue to give me random skype sessions that last longer than it should. Continue to always be by my side because I want to be by yours.

Rose are red, 

Violets are blue.

Don't eat bread,

Coz it'll kill you.

HAHA okay not true. But seriously, don't eat bread with a dry throat. This is going nowhere.
*clears throat* Proceed.

Here's to the weirdest, most sarcastic but most adorkable guy in the world,
Well, in my world, at least. I recall you mentioned how special I was last time. Well I'm here to tell you that you're the reason why I feel special. Hence that makes you even more special that the queen bee herself. You have to shake that poker face off some how, not to mention that same DOMO shirt you wear everytime you come back. I know how pessi you are about your life but keep climbing, no matter how tired or how itchy your body gets( you know from all the sweat ) , just push forward or upward ;) if you know what I mean. You'll make it and the best part is, I might be there to see you do it :) You're now a year older. AGAIN. Soon you'll be legal too. I hope you don't drink and turn into an asian party animal. I mean you might give people the impression that asians are rice eating alcohol loving geniuses. Even though I'm not there with you and we can't really celebrate 'celebrate' but know that I'm with you throughout the day, just like any other day. Try imaging me walking down the hall right to your locker, slapping you on the back saying 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' Believe me, It'll happen one day. One way or another. I'm gonna get you.

Awww HOW CUTE HAHA

Remember the arahan we made?

Yeah Yeah I know TOO much make up.

Must you kiss my phone?

THIS WAAAAAAAAAAY BACK

*drum rolls*

REVEALING SKYPE SESSIONS!

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY!

'Will you take a moment, promise me this

That you'll stand by me forever

But if God forbid fate should step in

And force us into a goodbye

If you have children some day

When they point to the pictures

Please tell them my name'

:) and oh.

I had the time of my life. Fighting dragons with you <3

#LASTVEGAS

It finally came to an end. Having to look for a dress 2 months in advance. Googling for nice prom hairstyles. Trying to find a nice clutch and end up stealing your mom's. Being extremely excited for Prom. It came. It ended. Life goes on but memories will never fade. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Oh wait, it was just yesterday. Well, it sure felt like forever because it has got to be one of the best nights of my life. It was more than I what I expected. It really was beautiful. I want to tell every little thing that happened yesterday just so I can remember better the next time I try to reminisce. Okay so here goes.

Remember I said I forced sleep myself at 8PM the day before just because I wanted to avoid ugly eye bags? Well. BAD IDEA. I woke up at 11PM and couldn't sleep until it was 3AM. GREAT. I end up reading the old conversations I had with my best friend back then ( don't get me wrong. We ARE still best friends ) Miss Ulquiorra. We wrote RP conversations during class a lot last time. So many secrets, so many memories and they're all with me. Inside my messy room. You will never find it! Ha, just kidding, just check the drawers. I fell asleep somewhere near 2.48AM I think and I woke up at 6AM because my mom was getting ready for work and my brother had to go to school. My sister went to her friend's place and my dad left for work. Yeah, home alone. GREAT. It was kind of boring being all by myself at home. I hate being left alone. Luckily someone agreed to have a 10 minute skype session with me. It turned into a long one hour of password guessing and then it ended. The word end is really annoying. I was waiting for my brother to come home around noon and so he did. I cooked him lunch and went to take a nap. My mom came home an hour later and I was still sleeping on the sofa next to my brother. She woke me up and made me take a bath wtf so I did and mom drove me to the nearest saloon to do my hair. She paid for my hair. I got it for free :D The hairdresser was mom's friend so she took extra good care of me so she made my hair fabulous and I want to thank her for that! Miss Angel and I were texting each other and Miss Jay offered to come fetch me from home, which was a little shocking for me because people are usually reluctant to drive to my area because it's complicated and it's scary at night. They arrived and my mom send out, she gave me some motherly advice right before I stepped out of the gate, she was being all 'mom' because I guess, she knows. How important prom night was for me. Thank you mom :)

We all gathered at Miss Angel's place and we did our nails well except for Miss Jay, she went home to do stuff ;) had some girl fun and I decided to finally put on my dress. Well not that I haven't tried it on before. youhavenoideahowmanytimesiputthatdressonjusttomakesureidontlooktoobadinit. It didn't take much effort to put it on because I had lots of practice already. I got in my dress and Miss Angel was standing right in front of the door when I walked out. I don't remember the exact words she said but she sure mentioned something like '要掉出来了' Miss Angel pervert :P I was in Miss Moon's room when a car came and parked right in front of the house. I was trying to make out the mysterious person and then suddenly a handsome Mr Freedom hopped out of the car and stood there in front of the gate. You got me there Mister. Miss Jay came shortly and she did my make up. Making me even more fabulous ;) We all left in a rush because we thought we were going to be late. On the way to Horizon, we talked about how we are going to take lots of pictures and how Mr Freedom was stressing that Miss Moon has a pretty dress and how Miss Jay and I sang to wrecking ball like crazy. It didn't take too long to get to Horizon but it was really fun being in the car with them. Mr Freedom parked his car and got his cute little bow tie on and we were ready to roll! We bumped into some lower six and so we decided to share the elevator. Guess who guess who? :P Mr KF it is! Walked in together with the girls feeling fabulous. the juniors greeted us at the door and - gosh things were so beautiful. Walked over to the guys and the girls. Compliments were exchanged. Hugs were offered. Boobs were smashed by mine. Then it was time to sit down. I sat in between Miss Angel and Mr Freedom. They took real good care of me. Constantly filling my plate with food.

The juniors did a lot of singing this year, it was great. I like singing along trying to sound louder than everyone else HAHAHA no seriously. they did really well. Especially Mr Playful. I was impressed. Did I mention that Mr Fencer, Mr Cuddly and Mr Chess were to perform? Well if I didn't then there, I said it. It's alright to be nervous. I'm nervous all the time. Mr Fencer got nervous during his performance but then Mr Bestah went up stage and played the drum with him. Omgosh you have no idea how handsome he looked when he jumped up the stage to help his student. Glorious. Then the real deal happened. Three guys from my class performing in front of the whole crowd. I feel like a proud mom HAHA.

We must not forget to mention the Coke Challenge. Having Miss Jay, Mr Goalkeeper, Mr Freedom, Mr Fencer and I represented our table and got us second place wooohoo! 25 tokens bebeh! The 25 tokens of course was in exchange for something else :)

The whole thing ended really soon with Miss CC touching speech. It really almost made me cry but then I thought about the cam whoring session that was waiting for me. I stopped. We took crazy pictures. Really Crazy. Thanks Brian. There are not many guys out there whom I can be as crazy and open as I was with you. So moar pictures then?

                                         Oops careful don't drop Mr Bestah now.

ZE gang

boobies XD

The Friday Librarian Gang

The sexy guys from my class ;)

I just feel like including my best friend in this post. thank you for being happy for me. The whole thing was wonderful and I couldn't ask for me but if you ask me what could have made things better. It has got to be you :) You never slipped my mind for a second that wonderful night. 

*drumrolls*

6AS 2013!

Magical.

#makeyoufeelmylove

okay so my best friend is being whiny about how I never update my blog anymore. HELLO I do okay? It's just that you're too busy to see them now. It's not healthy for a teenager to stay in the library for more than 8 hours especially when you have a comfy home where you can actually study. Yes. Audrey likes to study at home. It helps. OMG i can't believe I just mentioned studying. I skipped tuition last night. NO, not because I wanted to study at home. I was just freaking lazy. I mean I'm not lazy, it's more of an excited feeling. I can't do anything else until the even I have been waiting for actually happens. Guess what? It's happening. Tonight. In less than 7 hours. I am excited. Exactly why I slept EARLY last night. I practically forced sleep myself at 8PM and end up waking up at 11PM WTF and then I couldn't sleep. I was too excited, YES THAT is how EXCITED I am. I'm not going to deny that I am also a little sad. We all know that when PROM ends, exams are coming, graduation is like only less than 20 days away. Maan I love my class. I didn't get much sleep after all last night so I end up with eye bags right now and things just had to get worst. What kind of best friend shows you REALLY sad videos on YOUTUBE on the day you want to look most beautiful. Yes, you made me cry. Good thing I didn't have any make up on. It's almost noon now. I'm going to pack right after I finish typing this. Going to do my hair. Put some make up on. Don't forget the necklace I got from my driving tutor's new store in City Mall ;) Oh and my sexy heels. Too bad they won't look very sexy on me. Whoopsie. I hope tonight would be wonderful. Magical. A night to remember.

'I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love'

#gammarays

things are changing. not sure if it's for the better but it is definitely changing. that's the funny thing about life. you don't know what holds in the future and you can't turn back time to make things right. You only get one chance at EVERYTHING. you win some and you lose some. I think I won some big stuff in life so far but I can't say that I've lost not as much. I'm only a quarter through my life according to Mr Bear Cat. I'm pretty sure there's going to be a whole lot of shit I have to go through. No matter. I know that no matter where I go, what I do, I have my people and that matters. So much more than I thought it would. This change that I mentioned earlier. It's not anything big but it's definitely going take some getting used to. Knowing me, I'd probably blend very quickly. I don't like change but for the better, I'm willing to sacrifice. Sacrifice is good. You get something in return. Right? NO. you don't and it's not nice to expect things in return. If you want to do something, do it because you want to, not because you want something in return. One thing mom and dad taught me.

'We don't have to hurry

You can take as long as you want

I'm holdin' steady

And my heart's at home

With my hand behind you

I will catch you if you fall'

#boo-hoo

it wasn't a bad day. it wasn't about boys. it wasn't about school. it wasn't about grades. no it's not because someone 'bojio' me again. it wasn't about anything i had to worry about a while back. things are just not going the way they should for me right now, whenever i try to fix things. They either don't work out or they just turn out worst. I know I'm not suppose to be all down just because it doesn't work out but the worst part about everything is... I feel alone. I feel like I'm the only who cares, who freaking gives a damn. I feel like they are not even making an effort to make things better for themselves. I feel like I am the only one trying. I envy people who can just let it be and move on. I just can't. It's not that I don't want to but it will only come back and haunt me. Haunt me how? You know, all the what ifs? What if you tried to save it? What if you tried to help? What if it turned out better? I feel like I should just try but apparently my type of trying is not working at all. I want to take it further but I am just a freaking coward who is afraid of facing things. Afraid of making things worst. Afraid that things might turn out horrible because of me. Me alone. I know I'm not suppose to blame myself for what happened to them? But I do. Even if it's just a bit. That's slightest guilt. It stay here carved deep inside my heart. Things get better. Do they now? How long will it take? Years? If that's the case then how many more years should I wait. I'm probably not in the best position to assume things like this, saying that they are not trying to make things better. Maybe they are, but in their own ways. Ways that are kind of selfish. If you ask me.

in the middle of my boo-hoo-ing today, i just couldn't stop. i did try but the H20, they were screaming 'YOLO' I tried to calm down and I did. Several times. I cannot count how many times I bawled in that 2 period time. I'm sorry if I made the floor wet, or if i made the classroom awkward. I'm sorry that Miss Scorpio couldn't study because of me. I mean she's sick but she has to take care of my shit for me too. That made me a little guilty. I know how hard Biology is. As I was saying, in the middle of my water works, I could have sworn I saw Mr Goh staring straight at me. (yeah that's what you get for sitting next to the freaking window) I don't know. I think I saw this concern look in his eyes. I mean my eyes were covered in tears so I couldn't really tell. I'd like to think of it that way. I'd like to think that he was concern about me because he was very fatherly. Did I ever mention that Mr Goh feels like my dad? I mean the aura. It's so oto-san to me. I wonder what my dad would do if he saw me like that. He probably never seen me like that before but I'm pretty sure he's just going to come up to me and give me a good scolding asking me not to cry. I don't cry in front of my parents much. It feels vulnerable even though they are the people who you can be most vulnerable with. Mr Goh was distributing the papers during Physics test today, he gave me my paper gently? Is that how I should put it? Gently? I guess that's a normal way of putting it right? Thanks Mr Goh. 

I hope I scared no one today. I mean I did burst into a mewl so very suddenly. 

Miss Scorpio, thank you so much. 

Mr Freedom , I needed the tissue.

Miss Enlighten, I'll buy you new royal tissue! 

Mr Fencer, thanks for the pat. 

Everyone else, sorry.  

I'm fine so don't worry. I'm the kind of person who gets up and on after a cry. I can't try to convince you so you're just going to have to trust me. 

#busty

Okay this is basically me today. I was going to write a post about this a long long time ago but I never realy got the chance to so since I'm tired of doing my Physics experiments I thought I'd do a little update about yeah, boobs. See how happy that girl looked when she found other busty girls? Well, I'm not like that. I actually get kind of scared when I see people with bigger boobs then mine. Reasons you say? well...
1. I think I have huge boobs so when I see bigger ones, I just. I can't imagine how they carry those around and how they deal with them wtf. I have problems with mine so I'm sure they are going to have problems with theirs too.

Now I will show you some busty girl problems//perks by rampaige and tell you how I relate.

This is me. Most of the time. It's really hard to find the perfect clothing. Well not that one actually exist but it's really hard to look good in oversized clothing. I'm not the thinnest person out there and huge boobs, they make you look even fatter. I mean like seriously. I'd like to avoid huge clothing but I love wearing them, it is so comfortable but at the same time i want to look nice. I'd have problem picking an outfit every single time. maybe this is just me, I mean I'm picky by nature. I usually go for the oversize clothing though coz I just can't concentrate on anything else if I'm too self conscious about how I look.


Evil boobs. This is what happens when you have heavy stuff sticking out of your chest. It's not easy carrying them around. Not easy playing basketball with these. This is why I don't usually run. I just wait under the net. Ahh bra marks. Would you have believed me if I told you I don't have those? Well ding dong I do but they go away overnight so I guess it's not such a big problem.

 
ME. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I mean why can't they just provide a bigger size? WHY WHY WHY? I can't count how many bras I've seen and want but can't because they just don't have my size. People get to choose the style while I have to choose by size. NOT FAIR. The smaller bras are always much prettier. The big ones are usually really expensive too. I wonder how much money my parents spent on my bras. Just my bras for these past few years.


Weehee finally one good thing about these things. I mean everytime I'm in the library and I'm cold. I secrectly do this. No one will ever know muahahaha. Well unless my readers don't spread then I guess - wait wtf. What am I saying?


So yeah. Anyone. Any gender? If you ever need a shoulder to cry on. I'm right here. Just ask and I'll lend you a boob or two to cry on. Of course you're going to have to give me something to dry myself with after. Miss Speaker must really feel this way. I get random hugs from her all the time. Can't say I hate it but can't say I love it too. However, it is still very pleasant to be cuddled :)


This. I don't know. I feel unsafe. I feel like I'm going to die early because of them. I mean I know if I take precautions and go for check ups, I won't die but there's still that paranoid feeling I have. I mean I guess it's kind of a good thing that it increases my awareness, it means I'm going to take extra care of them. But seriously? Don't busty girls have a higher risk of getting breast cancer?


aaaaawwwww. Miss Scorpio. Mr Bear Cat. This is for you. Well maybe a little to Miss Angel and also Mr Freedom. We do have boob talk sometimes don't we? Especially you. Yes. YOU.

 
Yeah. you have no idea how hard it is to look for a dress that is PERF. If the dress doesn't go through my boobs. It does not go through anything. I can try on 30++ of dresses in a day and I can safely say that I might only fit 5 of them and I might not even like them but I can only choose from the five of them so I am very frustrated about my prom dress. I don't even know what to wear I- just. I know I have a huge frame and I was made fun of a lot when I was younger. I tried. My frame is just big. I can't do anything about my bone structures. They just won't shrink. I mean I know people are just joking when they say I'm big or stuff and I know I should just dismiss it but a part of me just can't help but feel offended. I'm sorry.


Miss Jay. If you see this. Happy times during basketball and netball practice.


Yeah. This must happen a lot huh? I wouldn't possibly know. I mean there are the ups and downs. I mean just be yourself. Your boobs don't define you. However, I define boobs.


I guess. I do love my boobs :)

#blue thoughts

it's funny how sometimes the most random people can say the sweetest things and how the important ones just end up hurting you every time. Well maybe, it's because they are important, their opinions matter, every little thing they do matter. today someone said something that made me feel good about myself. I mean I always have Miss Scorpio, Mr Bear Cat and my fifits for that but this time it's totally out of the blue and i wasn't even expecting it. AT ALL. i have feeling that he might not even know how his words really made me happy, he said it so nonchalantly and it sounded sincere, NOT a hint of insecurity or doubt in it. Well, knowing me, I'm going to say something like... 'urm maybe he didn't really mean it.' or 'don't think so much lah, he was just trying to be nice.' and stuff like that. I tell you I can go on and on about small things like this. Look, if you think I might have special feelings for this someone. Please snap out of it. When I write something like this about someone, it doesn't have to mean that I want in his pants. He is a very fun and nice guy though and he is good company. okay let's put that really really random thought aside.

what I really should talk about right now is about the 'transfer duty' which is the direct translation from the malay phrase. Gee  please forgive me, I'm really tired. I was nervous the whole day, I think I was partially scared too. It felt like I'm going to lose everything and that the library I worked so hard on is going to be passed on to someone I don't really know. What if he/she makes a mess out of things? What if I hand it over to someone who isn't worthy? I remember Mr Bear Cat leaving the library to me, I did my best, I really did. Seriously, I am given too much credit. Truth is, the other AJKs work the butts off just as much as I do or heck maybe even more but I am the one who gets the extra mark. Yes I feel very guilty but no one is suppose to find out about it. The 'transfer duty' HAHA went okay I think .Just that I think I might gone overboard with a lower six, I'm pretty sure he hates me now. I wouldn't be surprise he wouldn't want to talk to me again for the rest of the year. If he ever reads this. I'm going to leave a little note here. 

Mr Playful, I'm sorry if you think I'm picking on you. I'm sorry if you think I'm only mean to you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but know that I think well of you. Okay maybe you did gave me a bad impression when you were all whiny when I asked you to do stuff but I also understand that you worry about your studies. That's why you are very reluctant to join anything. I bully people I like. You should know that. Well I don't 'like' like you. I just mean I like you as a friend or maybe a little brother. You make my day sometimes when you wave or smile at me. I really hope you don't stop doing those and I'm going to stop treating you and the other juniors like crap now that I'm NOT your president anymore. I'm your friend. 

I guess the new President is trustworthy. The way he stood in front and told the whole class how he wants to be the next president proudly. I admired that courage, I could have never done that so I guess that's why he got my vote. I hope he'll hold on. I know it's hard sometimes but I know he'll get through it because he has 20 subordinates. Well as for me, I had 14 minions! -laughs- okay I did not mean to offend anyone okay? it was a joke. I just realized that today was the last time all of us PSS would be able to stand in front of the whole class like that. It felt nice. We felt like a team. It reminded me of the times we were asked to do impossible things and we puled through, the times I throw a freaking tantrum because we were always given last minute jobs! The times we joked around the round table in the library. All of that is coming to an end. It makes me really sad but also proud because I was apart of all those beautiful things, all these beautiful people. You guys are my heroes. Also I'm going to have to asked those who nicknamed me Miss President to start looking for a new one*wink* I'm not the one ruling your asses anymore. 

So much to do, So little time.

'we kissed, 

I fell under your spell.

a love,

no one can deny.'

okay that wasn't suppose to mean anything.