since when did you last update?

SO i know i shouldn't be here coz it's still exam week but i just can't take it anymore. People asked whether i still keep a blog and i say yes. But the things i want to tell the world are just too complicated and I always quit writing half way. Everything just seems so POINTLESS. Lately I've been thinking. Just thinking, sitting there, staring into space and just think. I found out that I've been tiring myself with a lot of things and the worst part is that, it's all my fault and there's just no one i can point my fingers at. I guess it's actually a good thing that not a lot of people read my blog and some might not even know it still exist because I update very little. (wait you don't update dumbass) Everyday I wake up and find myself doing the SAME THING. I have to worry about whether I studied enough for the day and how STPM sem 2 is constantly up my butt. And then there's 'unecessary things' i have to deal with, things that just sticks with me no matter how i try to shake it off. It's exhausting and dull. I feel like studying is all I have to do and if I don't. I AM A FAILURE. There's is just no way. NO WAY. I can score like those brainiacs, yeah I KNOW I KNOW I sound like a pessimist well guess what? I AM ONE. For me, it's actually better to look on the dark side of things, so that you won't expect too much, and you don't fall that hard, and it won't hurt too much. Form 6 is draining me, physically, mentally, emotionaly and however you want to put it. It's not fun anymore if all you have to so is freaking study! All you ever think about is getting good grades. I'm gettin really irritated coz I know I shouldn't have entered FORM6 in the first place and that leads me back to things that happened last year, where I WAS FORCED(without any other choices) to do whatever it is my mother wishes me to do and i listened to her. NOT to myself but to HER and looked where that got me. A bunch of things to worry about. what if  my STPM result just isn't good enough? WELL there's always a solution to EVERYTHING! Then maybe I'll just apply to foundation with my SPM results and start over again, WOAH then everyone in class would be two years YOUNGER than me. isn't that just cool? I am never going to let other people choose for me again, if I want to regret something. I want to be the cause of it. Well I'm not saying Form 6 is horrible and stuff, I met new people, new friends, a new experience, and stuff but i just so happen had the time to think about what i really wanted and this isn't really it. Where am I suppose to go after this? What I am suppose to do? But most importantly, WHERE AM I NOW? So little courage, so little time. People whom I thought would always be there for me, isn't really capable of giving me the support I needed. Things I used to do to make me happy always seems to be pushed aside merely to tune down the guilt I might put on myself for not studying. All I ever post about is all my worries now, no wonder no one ever reads my blog anymore =-= I wouldn't want to read it myself WTF

time flies

time sure flies when you're having fun. just a few days ago the principal was announcing our school break and now it's almost time to go back to school. This whole week had been a blast. I have to say that it has been a FIFIT-ANGPAU-STARBUCKS filled weekend. Open houses everywhere, gambling everywhere, hanging out with my girls oh and you Huang ;)(PAE YII T__T) has been really relaxing until I had to pick up my school bag and peek inside. Piles of homework undone, projects untouched and many more chapters not solved. where the hell am i going to find time to finish all that? Not to mention I now have dramas I have to watch. OMG. I have MUET speaking next week too and  I just found out tonight that it was the REAL thing. wtf I am horrible. I really want to do well in this next two semesters, I want to bee proud of myself. I don't want to be that slacker I used to be and I definitely don't want to fail myself. Dang I really want to turn back time now. I want to go through this week again. Gee I don't have anything to blog about anymore. I apologize that you have to look at this horrible update. Fifits are going to back to campus soon and it'll be another 2 months or maybe years until I get to see them again :\ that sucks.

and NO tk,  I didn't forget about you. I miss you too.

2012

this may look familiar like you've seen it somewhere before, so fasten your seat belts and get ready to experience Audrey's 2012. Not exactly the best year (are you kidding me?) pfft okay I lied. It's the best so far. When I say best, it includes all the ups and downs and all the experiences I've been given this year, it was actually quite amazing I have to say.

SPM ended and you got addicted to tumblr, met a lot of nice people and even gained tones of followers, well not much but enough to keep you by the computer 17 hours a day. All you ever do at home was eat, sleep, and of course tumblr. YOU gained weight like crazy because you decided to stay at home while your friends they all went to get a part time job. Oh, you were going to work but then you figured that nah maybe you shouldn't and I bet you regret that now huh? After a few weeks of constantly feeding yourself with anime (FAIRY TAIL) and FOOD, you finally got your SPM results. weehee it was satisfying but that was going to be the end of your fun and games on tumblr. You left anyways. And didn't look back. You're going to have a lot of fun with your friends at the beach and maybe build up a love interest in the process too, meh you couldn't tell because you weren't really looking for anything like that at the moment. Burying your friends in sand and making sand balls, yes you're going to have a blast, make sure you cherish that alright? 

You finally got bored and let go of your holiday mood, you go back to school. You're going to be relieved that you're still going to have fifits around, school is nothing without them. Heck, life is nothing without them. More of your friends especially fifits leaving to study and you're going to feel a little lonely and maybe a little jealous but it's okay you'll get over it eventually when you actually enter Form 6. Orientation might be a little scary at first, and the seniors might be a little intimidating too, the new kids will look like they are super smart and arrogant but wtf aud. You are going to regret ever thinking that way, those are the people who you'll be spending the rest of the years with laughing. You're going to love your seniors and have awesome classmates. Not to mention maybe a hot physics teacher lol. You're going to be forced into joining the girl's basketball team for mini sports event and you're going to love it. Like seriously love it. Cherish that moment too please? Passing balls to each other, while yelling non stop really exhaust you but that's what you like to do most, being horribly loud. 

You're going to build up a very strong relationship with someone, I don't know how to put it but I think it's called a love-hate relationship. You're going to be assisting at the library too, maybe become president. Maybe have yourself become MC for prom too because of... no reason really. Falling in love without noticing it was nice wasn't it? Don't get yourself hurt though and try not to force on too strong. Don't sacrifice too much. Don't be too optimistic. Don't put your hopes up too high. Don't ever make people feel guilty. Don't ever do things that you will regret. Don't cry every night. Don't let your emotions get to you. Self control is the key. Slow down and hit the brakes sometimes, don't let jealousy get the best of you. NEVER let jealousy get the best of you, it will turn you into someone different, someone who is NOT you at all. It's going to affect a lot of things. Relationships, academics and stuff like that. Also, study harder you lazy bum. Don't lose yourself, don't forget who you are, don't forget who you want to become. Don't become someone else without even noticing it. 

The first term was over after the exam and you felt like some bulldozer have been lifted up from your shoulders. You can finally relaxed and finally spend some time with people. Hey Aud, people might not be able to spend time with you so don't get upset or jealous about every little thing okay? They ditched so be it, you'll get your chance! You are going to feel really stupid afterwards if you get mad at little things like this. You might want to be someone's number one but sometimes you just can't. You might want to be the most important one but you can't. Even if you are, YOU CAN'T. Don't waste your time crying over split milk, it is what it is. And when people give you advice, why don't you fucking listen to them? Why do you dwell in the past so much? Why won't you just give way? Why won't you just give up? Because you were too blind, you get upset everyday, you cry everyday. You lost yourself in the process. I was disappointed in you. 

Don' worry though because things are going to change for the better. You're going to finally realized how dumb you were before and slowly, very slowly, sort out things and finally turn over a new leaf. This time a bigger leaf too. Maybe a greener one too. One that will provide you with lots of chlorophyll and give you plenty of sunlight? Okay wtf are you writing? All I'm saying is that you are going to be fine at the end of the year. You finally see things through. You finally moved on. Distance helps actually. It really does. You might not completely move on but you're getting there. Keep it up so you won't lose it! 

Time went by so fast, so many memories. All I wish to keep until forever. YOU, if you have the chance to  playback and rewind. Will you fix your mistakes? Will you stop yourself from doing the things you regretted? Will you try not to fall? Will you try to change your future? Well, if you ask me. My answer would probably be NO. 

Those mistakes made me wiser. 

Those tears made me stronger.

Those regrets made me appreciate more.

Those lies can no longer blind me.

And then 7 minutes before 2013 arrives, you're going to be finishing up this post. You're going to look for an Adventure time gif on tumblr and you're going to hesitate about posting this up but you did it anyways. You're going to keep remembering what you can and keep fighting for what's rightfully yours. Look, what's yours is yours no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. 

New Year resolution you say?

1. Be more hardworking.

2. Eat less ZENQ.

3. Lose some weight b*****

This has been a wonderful year 

I'm BORED. I want the holidays to end quickly but then I don't really want it to. I'm growing attached to being fat and lazy, I like staying at home and just watch anime all day. Yeah I know I just said that but wtf watching anime is starting to get boring too so I switched to reading manga but it's the same thing. I'm bored of it now. I get bored too fast I just don't understand. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that it's the anime that is getting boring, it's just my brain. The brain craves for something fresh. Oh and if you like reading shoujo then I recommend 'Gakuen Alice', it's still on-going but OMG the feels it gives you. It's worth it. It started off really happy but then it got SO freaking dark at the back, it wasn't what I was expecting when I watched the anime last time. I am now on the latest chapter and I have a feeling that it's going to end somewhere April next year. Okay back to stuff in real life. Remember when I said my tutor cancelled on me because she has other kids to deal with? Guess what she cancelled on me again T__T She said she has a fever and that she would have to delay until tomorrow. However, I just got a call from her and she told me that she has the chicken pox gosh I feel bad for her. I hope it's nothing serious, no I'm saying this just because I want her to get well soon so that I can start crashing stuff with a car. (well maybe just a little bit) Again, I was really disappointed. Not sure if dad's gonna get a new car or not? He mentioned buying a house wtf I don't understand. I can't butt in either because well- he's the dad and I am like the kid. The BIG kid. It would be nice to have my own car o-o

There's nothing much going on right now and I'm going to fix that. Starting from NOW. Well maybe tomorrow? I just realized I've been blogging about crap. Gee crap = feelings.

Yes Finn I like the smell of your butt too.

B.A.L

I have reach to the point of the holiday where I no longer have things to do. I'm so bored but I'm also just too lazy to think about stuff to do. I even cleaned my room because I was too bored! I took a 4 hour nap just now can you believe it? Well, this has got to end. I must start doing productive things again! I need to get books for the next semester and start dealing with what I have to do next year. Making a list would be nice too. However, this is not why I am blogging today. In fact, I don't really have a reason. I just thought I'd blog because I promised a certain someone that I would.

I watched this drama recently which I got from Siaw which was initially from Shnwei herself, it was on my to-do-list after STPM and that's one tick. omgosh I know Gong Yoo looks kind of weird in this picture but every scene of him in the drama was so wonderful. I mean he's like 33 years old and I still find him very very very very very attractive. I have to stop this. I am suppose to be a cougar(well, not anymore.) but- o-o never mind. Moving on.

I'm so sorry but he is just- ASDFGHJKL

Also, I'm suppose to be having my driving lessons this week but my tutor. SHE BAILED ON ME. She said we can only start next week and I was disappointed. VERY disappointed because for a second there I thought I could finally move a vehicle without using my physical strength. I think this is mainly the reason why I'm bored and lazy now, because I THOUGHT I have things to do this week but it turns out- NO I don't. Now that I think of it, I'm not very excited to drive anymore. Gee, thanks for nothing you mood swing poop.

I have nothing else to write about. End of story.

Taking a turn and I'm loving it.

MUST.GET.RID.OF.DEPRESSING.POST. This the main objective today. I understand that I've been filling my blog with a lot of negative energy and I am going to make it up to all my readers(if any) by blogging about something different, something that actually fills myself with joy. -smiles- It was a sincere smile okay? Even if you don't see it, you know I'm sincere. Okay? Okay.
Here I am typing along still thinking about what to blog about while I scroll through my phone gallery trying to remember anything important and HAPPY that happened for the past few weeks. And yes you're in luck! I found some.

Exactly 20 days ago. I finally finished STPM semester 1. It was horrible but but I was HAPPY because it was over but then, I don't think I did really good this time. I have to admit that I didn't finish the whole syllabus, it's not that I don't have time to it's just that I've been slacking off too much thinking that there will be ENOUGH time for everything when it was clear that there wasn't. Damn I have a feeling that I'm going to have to retake after all. The reason why I was studying my ass off as mush as I can is to avoid retaking. TOO BAD SO SAD (okay my bro taught me this and I like it.) FOUR papers and I am not confident with even ONE. I even went to have lunch at MCD with T and Dith before Maths T, oh boy that spicy chicken yum yum LMAO. Alright enough about that, I'm making myself guilty. I am going to reveal a picture. A very ugly one too. Haha.

before and after car crash style

I also did my computer test. I called my tutor just before the first day of STPM telling her that I'll go for the test the next Monday and I even motivated myself to study like crazy for it because I wanted to get a full mark so that the institution would give me money :P well TOO BAD SO SAD I didn't even study. I didn't even finish the 500 questions and I even went to bed early the night before. I have no fear wtf. Woke up the next day and I got really really nervous, I was seriously afraid. 

see I'm still holding the 500 questions with me. I don't look nervous because i'm camwhoring.

And you know what? My tutor promised me 9AM so I thought that I had at least 30 minutes more to finish the 500 questions but she was EARLY. Too early omg. I grabbed my shoes (no socks too lazy) and got on the car and the teacher greeted omg she is so nice, I feel really bad.

tutor: did you do the questions in the CD?
me: -totally forgot about the disc- HUH?
tutor: HAH? you didn't do the CD ah?
me: -shakes heas apologetically-
tutor: Then did you do the 500 questions?
me: -smiles- errr... YA.
tutor: oh then can lah if like that.

dang. guilty dao bao man. If my dad was there he would have said something like "是谁教你讲骗话的?我有教过你咩?" But I had to do it, I didn't want her to worry about me. I got there and did some checking in and stuff ugh the guy at the counter was so SLOW and when I finally got to the room I started sweating. I did the questions so very carefully, putting every ounce of my brain juice into good use. I checked my answers three times and then it was finally time to hit the finish button, it felt like making the biggest decision in my life or something.
-clicked-
-stares at screen-
-internal flail-
I PASSED.
thank you thank you thank you thank you
-kisses the floor-

My dad for some reason suggested that we take a long drive to Lawas that day, we all agreed because I thought it would be fun and stuff. Well it was fun when you get there but the LONG drive was killing me and my back and my neck. Dang it the 6 hour drive really made me moody and cranky. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep but then I didn't. I stayed up and went online and yeah stuff happened. Not gonna talk about that coz it's not important anymore. I saw Angel btw but she didn't see me, HAHA good. Just what I planned dang I can imagine Angel looking around to find me when I told her the color of her shirt. It wasn't really much because I didn't really enjoy my aching back.

Invited Siaw over to my place and we went to my cousin's wedding together. The night before the wedding was alright, we had something to eat and slept really late that night because mom decided that it was a really good time for some ZENQ (11PM++) and of course. I CANNOT RESIST. ZenQ was different that night coz they freaking ran out of pearls. We had to substitute with something else and it felt like eating tadpoles. We did a little painting if you know what I mean ;) and went to bed after 1.59PM. Well, use your imagination. Woke up really early the next day and I was so sleepy, I don't know about Siaw but I'm sure she was craving for more sleep too. We all gathered at my Grandma's place where the groom would come to 接新娘, my other older cousin have prepare some obstacles for the groom omgosh they made him put on mouse ears and a pacifier + dance to Oppa Gangnam Style. All I could think of that time was that they all needed lessons from TK LMAO, they weren't bad but they can do better.

 Got really tired after the whole thing because I didn't get enough sleep! Took a nap and then we attend the ceremony at Dewan Tun Fuad later that evening. Put on the white dress I bought, made Siaw wear her smexy dress and off we went. A lot of people attended and my feet hurt because I was wearing heels again. It was sad but I didn't have any other shoes, I mean I couldn't possibly wear sneakers right?

Siaw and I and lotsa other people in frames.

   see how pretty Siaw is :3

owl necklace from cousin Alicia. I like it.

We left early that night and went to Starbucks. My first starbucks. I feel a little guilty for bailing on my cousin's wedding but oh well you know, STARBUCKS. Slept late again that night ahaha sorry Siaw for making you sleep so late every night.

Had to wake up early again the next morning because we had to attend this urm cash give away ceremony? Okay whatever it is. I got cash and that's all that matters. Had a girl's day out with Siaw and Shnwei teehee

we went to watch Breaking Dawn part 2 wtf I was like
"OMG OMG WHERE'S CARLISLE'S HEAD?"
"YER WHY JASPER DIE?"
"WAAAH JACOB!"
"EFF THAT ARO FACE!"
"WAHLAO WHY HE KILL MY SETH?"
"YER WHY SO MANY PEOPLE DIE?!"
throughout the whole climax. Yes you can ask the girls, I was really annoying HAHA. Damn I feel like having a Twilight Saga marathon! Who wants to join me?
Also. I found myself a new boyfriend. -ham smiles-

SO SMEXY

We also went to Kaison and I spent money on more unnecessary little note books like I always ALWAYS do, took pictures with bears and birds and whatever it is that's cute in that place LOL.

Siaw likes bunnies.

while Shnwei likes chicks

well me? I- I like well you know what :P

We walked around a bit and finally ended up at.. JANG JANG yes you guessed it. STARBUCKS. Toffee Nut Latte is really good nom nom. I want more damn.

28 NOV 2012

finally had a real conversation with a balloon I managed to keep. was really happy. noticed something I never  did. realized some things too. i was really happy. oh. I also got STARBUCKS for peace offering :) but really, you didn't have to. got addicted to Origami and stuff and ended up being obsess with little shiny origami papers. I NEED MOAR.

Siaw's still at my place, I'm going to make her change my nail polish every single night MUAHAHA. Meanwhile, I'm going to keep doing origami and stuff.

this is where my phone sleeps now :3

I'm going to reveal some stuff about me here lol.

1. this is me when I over react.

like I seriously bang on anything in front of me and go ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP.

2. i sleep talk and sleep pat.

ask Siaw. She knows. She's been sleeping with me for days now.

3. i like hugs. i really do.


C:

six letters two words.

what a dull looking balloon, it doesn't even attract my attention and if you ask me I think it kinda looks like an apple too. What? No that's not the point here, what's important is when you let that single thread go. It slips away, and might never come back. But if you're lucky, it might get stuck on something and you get try your best to get it back. The risky part is when it hits something sharp and it just explode, like that. Well, not everything ends that sad, this balloon right here deserves a happy ending too you know? What if, the balloon floated away, far far away, and then it stopped. Some other kid notices it and brought it home. Well, that's just what if...
A balloon is filled with air, isn't it? It shrinks with time too, losing every bit of that bad air and leave only those that are worth keeping, even if it fluctuates to it's most pathetic form. The balloon only keeps that little much with it, that little much.
That single thread that you carefully hold on to.

Holding on too tight and you exert too much on it.

Losing your grip little by little and it would slip away.

Maybe not right away, but it happens.
There you are with that red balloon in your hand and the next thing you know, you are now desperately holding onto the edge of that only single thread. And then it's entirely up to you, whether to stop trying and let the balloon go or continue to pulling it in and it yours again.
The thread was starting to hurt your fingers, it bring tears to your eyes. You let go a little decided that it's best to give up and then you realize, that the balloon was way too important to give up on. You tighten your grip, ignoring the pain it's been giving you and you slowly try to pull it back in. Slowly, carefully, patiently, ignoring every bustling nerves and just waited, not sure if your effort was enough, you look up at the balloon. No matter how hard you try, it doesn't seem to be drawing nearer at all.
And then there you know it, it's finally time.
Well, a balloon is just a balloon, it doesn't know how to fight for itself. It certainly doesn't know how to fight for others either. It's understandable.