#all i know is a simple name

everything has changed.
nah.
i'm kidding.
nothing much changed.
perhaps maybe just a little bit.

rose are red,
violets are blue.
bears are attracted to honey,
the same as i am to you.

there's this one guy i've known for almost 7 years.
our first meeting is somewhere in the back of my mind.
i don't remember.
the only sharp memory i had about him is being the short nerdy looking guy who got bullied a lot during our junior years. We were actually in the same class and i completely ignored his existence. Sorry he didn't stand out too much and i'm only 13! the only things i paid attention to are bad boys and hot seniors. i remember him looking super smart one day during geography and i instantly hated him. I hate it when people are better than me. Yes that is how horrible i am. Noted? Yes? Good, one time we were having a brief conversation under some trees near the teacher's parking lot. I d k but i've probably had a short fuse ever since primary 3 because of reasons. This guy with the initials A.M is my nemesis, but we grew out of it and i guess we can still consider ourselves friends. A.M would never shut up about how i have a crush on his brother D.M even though I DON'T so we fight all the time. with fists and grades and more fists. i believe i have always been this aggressive to my classmates. Back to out main path. Somehow short nerdy looking guy managed to bring me out of my shell, i used my viking powered hands and smack him several times 'everywhere'. i was only putting 40% of my effort into use and he was already crying. he cried and cried and things would be really ugly if the teacher found out. I had to think fast so I humbly offered him ice cream. I was sure that it was going to cheer him up, i was sure that he would stop crying. But little did i know he curved his lips into a sinister smile and that was all it took to set my hands on slapping mode again. Well this is only the beginning of our friendship. Who would ever thought that Mr Short Nerdy Looking guy would be such an important piece in my life now?

He grew taller, I can no longer point my fingers down at him. He grew stronger and now i can't bully him that much. Remember how girls are always asking for a guy best friend? Well let me tell you girls something :)
I actually have one. 
Now go sulk in a corner if you must. this guy calls himself my best friend or so he claims to be but he doesn't understand my mood swings, my reactions and even my decisions. We fight all the time over the stupidest things and we annoy the hell out of each other when we want to. This guy right here brings the worst out of me and it drives me crazy. I am all about reputation, all about appearance. if you can't be pretty, you should at least look presentable and cool. But with this guy, I will always. ALWAYS lose my cool. Even so,  there's no other guy who i can act completely myself with. I can always go all PMS on him and he would take it like a man. I can always go through his things and even if he did mind, he would just keep quiet about it. I can always go to him through every ups and downs because he listens and give his honest opinion on everything even if it's all ugly. I can ruffle his hair and grab his glasses and he would just stare into space. I can unbutton his shirt and have him actually trying to do the same to me! We can perform osmosis on each other. We can wear each others shoes. I can go through his wardrobe but he can't go through mine. We can talk about porn, homework, hot people, porn and of course 'stuff'. He makes me update my blog whenever he has the time, he updates his blog with a lot of paragraphs and NO pictures at all. He thinks rocks make good pets. He likes glasses. He likes fringes. He likes 'bubbles'. He likes to sing. He likes to sleep. He's a scorpio and of course. People often mistaken this wonderful guy for my boyfriend. How wrong can they get? I know I've never officially told anyone but this guy right here is my BF AKA Best Friend and i don't think that's going to change for many more years to come. ;)

your domo shirt has got to go.

#hashtag

today has not been a pleasant day for me. there's just so many things i'm worried about. i'm also really disappointed and mad at myself for not being able to discipline myself. i'm NOT doing anything i planned for myself on weekends. I'm actually procrastinating and NOT doing anything to improve my homework. I can't believe I find anime and books a priority comparing to SO many other things i should be doing. I was having a real good day yesterday too. it's surprising how much a day can flush your good mood down the gutter. and to add salt to the wound. Glee Cast Cory Monteith passed away and he's only 31! The first thing that ran into my mind was Lea, Leas Michele, I can't begin to imagine the look on her face, the pain in her chest when she received the news. Thinking about it tears me up and i wish i was only centimeters away SO i can bear hug her. Cory was a beautiful man, sure he had some problems but he's only human. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what's next for Glee? It's so heartbreaking. The whole thing made me think about the horror of losing someone, the pain, the longing. I can't bear with it. I've never had actually and I don't want to ever. I know it's not possible but, God help me, I don't ever want to be in that kind of situation. The thought of it is terrifying it makes me want to cry. well, that's not the end yet, i still have to tell you guys about how crappy my semester 2 result will be, it's going to be out tonight, midnight. words can't describe how i feel at the moment, i feel like i've been bombarded with BAD news the whole day and something gives me the feeling that I'm about to receive more. I did really badly on the second semester. I studied really hard, I am not going to deny it. I worked my butt out last semester and then i got sick on the first day of the actual exam. FML. at first i wasn't feeling all too bad about it but now that i think of it and how it might have affected my answering, i feel like ripping my own throat out. this education fair we had really got me thinking and we all know where thinking too much gets me. -roars- i'm seriously freaking out right now, my stomach is doing flips. i'm already in a horrible mood, i don't need mr D and mrs M to make it worst for me, you guys could have picked another day to yell at each other. i thought things were going to be different, i thought things will get better and that things will change. i'm not saying that it has to go back to the way it was, but i seriously thought that it would get better. i guess i was wrong.

you guys didn't have to read this. it's crap. sorry.

#goodbyes

Watching Glee is really taking its toll on me. I used to be a huge fan and then I stopped watching just because I convinced myself that I have to focus on studying if I want to get better grades and stuff. Screw that. I find myself being stressed out for a few months, torturing myself inside when what I should really be doing is enjoy myself. Well enjoying myself doesn't mean all play and no homework. It simply means that I have to have fun too. I am freaking dull when all I ever think about it when should I finish my Physics homework or how may chapters of chemistry should I study this week. I forgot about what time should I watch Glee this week or where should I go this Sunday. I have completely kept that aside for these past six months and I regret it so much right now. Watching Glee and hanging out with my friends today reminded me that. All of us, we only have 6 more (scratch that. make it 5) months together. It hurts. It scares me. It makes me want to cry. I hate goodbyes. Never liked them. I know they're just acting but it freaking tore me apart when Blaine thought Kurt was cheating on him and that they almost broke up( this is the episode I'm at now. Don't judge.) I know it's not real. I know it's fake. But I can't help feeling the sorrow, the sadness and every effing episodes made me cry. I am so emotional right now that I can't stop typing.

Everyone graduates. They shake each other hands or give each other a hug and they move on, they walk different paths, not knowing if the paths they choose will ever cross again. This makes me really sad and I don't know why. I never felt this way with my Form 5 classmates but I feel this way with my Form 6 classmates. It feels like we've been through a whole lot together. This one year feels like ten if you ask me. I guess the older you get, the more you start to appreciate. And to think that around this time last year when we first started Form 6, I freaking hated everyone in class. Okay I don't hate them but everyone seems really scary and I feel like they look down on me or something. Okay maybe that's just me and I, I have this freaking tendency to hate smart kids. I still can't quite understand why but I'm sure it's probably due to jealousy or stuff like I'll never be good enough like them... Okay. Main point.
Last year, we were all in our own groups. We sat with only people we were comfortable with. We talked only to people we were comfortable with. It only took one year or maybe less to make us the family we are now. I have to say that I am going to miss every single one of my classmates. Every single one. The crap we give each other, the jokes and the insults + teases we throw at each other but in the end of the day, we were all on the same page and I'm talking about a really huge book here.

These last few months we have together are going to be really exciting. I just know it. I have a lot of things I'm looking forward to. Exciting and not so exciting events. I look forward to them all. I have to say, Form 6 helped me grew up a lot. I know that a lot of people say that kids who go to Form 6 are usually kind of childish and well independent but I don't see it that way. I think it teaches a very valuable lesson in life. H?ow hard life is and not everything will go your way and of course, Time Management. You're going to be needing that for the rest of your lives. Speaking of the rest of our lives. I wonder what would the rest of my life look like. I wonder how long will it take for me to find out. See, this is the exciting things I look forward to. Life, it's a burning thing. Sometimes it extinguishes but with enough oxygen supply, it lightens once more. This is probably the reason why I have yet to killed myself after so many times of depression. I was optimistic enough to look forward. Optimistic enough to convince myself that things will get better and things DO get better. Like they said, there's always a rainbow after a storm. The rest of your life? How will you spend it? Who? will you spend it with? Who will you entrust the rest of your life to? Well, I have a few on my list if you want to know ;)

Oh and my thoughts about the holiday?

bunny ears

Hello 

I'm in love with this album. I don't think I'll be able to choose a favorite out of all these but I can tell you my favorite lyrics in almost every song. I know I should be blogging about how happy I am now that the semester is over but meeeh I'll go back to that later. When I am free enough, PFFT. Maybe when I'm in the mood. I am going to pamper myself with a mask and some glee tonight and if I get bored, i might go on tumblr and maybe RP a bit. Omgosh I miss my old life. I miss being free all the time. I miss being -OMG Okay back to the main point I'm blogging now. Eric's album is Wonderful. Okay, the word wonderful reminds me of something funny which I believe only LoLo would understand. Eric's singing makes me happy. Even with the saddest song, he relaxes me. It's probably the nature of his beautiful voice LOL. I am not exaggerating. I have to thank yung yung for giving me all the songs. One more thing, I don't really care about albums, in fact I don't even own any. I wouldn't know what to do with it... Now. All my favorite lyrics are as shown.  There's this line 

"希望你会快乐一点 这是我放手的条件" 

that really touched me. I mean this is exactly how I was feeling for the past few months. Also not forgetting this beautiful verse.

 "我和他谁重要残忍地作比较

任由你忘掉任由你潜逃

投进别人的怀抱

也许爱需要慢慢找

也许自由就是放掉

我都好要你快乐比什麽都重要"

Okay this is going to be all. I need to start pampering myself now. Also Brian, I will always remember that talk we had :3 YOFO.

*WHEE

Hi there and No. I haven't finish all my papers yet but I'm getting there. I've done three papers and I seriously don't know what the poop I've done. This 5 months of constant hard work. (okay. maybe not much but it sure had doubled or tripled since the last semester) Putting aside all distractions, sacrificing all the things I usually do on daily basis just so I can actually do well in this semester. But what do i get? A whole lot of poo. Physics wasn't easy, there wasn't enough time for me to calculate everything probably because I got really nervous just coz I couldn't answer the first objective question. Well that was that. I quickly got over it because I have much more things to worry about.

PA. you killed me.
Why you so hard? Why you so scary? Why you have no definite answer? Why you so confusing? Why? WHY? why? T______T I don't even know. I just I was so afraid that I wasn't able to finish everything, I actually panicked and swore, the examiner looked at me and I looked back, only to have him continue staring at me. I looked back at my own paper and continue peeling my brain cells into finishing the paper.
Maths. Thanks. For everything. We should not see each other again.

I don't know why I'm here. Probably because I have a whole day tomorrow to prepare for chemistry which I doubt I'll get anything done. I don't really feel like sitting for the next and last paper. Not after my performance these past few papers. HAHA not. Mr Goh is too scary. I have to do well for his subject.

Dear tk, I'm flattered that you like reading my blog so much. I'll try to update as much as i can about life back here. Also. Don't stalk too much. It's bad for your health.

Dear Mr Martini,
you make me happy. LOL. just a simple gesture from you (or anyone else who is younger and cute) makes my day.

Dear LoLo, thank you for putting up and screaming along with me after the PA paper. I had so much fun disturbing the peace. LOL until I actually forgot that I had to pee.

ASDFGHJKL that's all. For now. OH AND I LIKE JAKE'S PUPPIES!

gumball*

No.
I didn't put this thing up here because I had a bad day.
I'm putting this up here because it means a lot to me.
I can't count how many times I have had some bad days making me feel like i had a bad life.
I have a good life.
A great one actually.
I was born normal.
I was born unique.
I have a home, loving parents, a great mom and a responsible dad, annoying but wonderful siblings, not   forgetting my great friends.
I'm not too bad of a student. I can do well in my studies if i'm not a lazy bum.
I can tell jokes.
I give great hugs. I give awesome hugs actually, I am a walking cushion.
Okay. Wahlao. I think I am also very perasan.
But all of those brings it all back to one person.
My mother.
Without her.
Would I be who am I today?
My mom is younger than most of my friends's mom.
But that doesn't mean she's any different from other people's mother.
She's a great cook, it explains my weight.
She's really strict in a god way.
She's understanding and she knows when to give her kids some space.
She's sensitive too and i think that's what makes her an awesome mom.
Mom, I love you.
I might not have the courage to say this to you in person, mostly because I'm shy and I am afraid of your reaction. I am really bad with awkward situations so I rather not get into one. But know deep down inside that your daughter really really loves you. She might pick a fight sometimes or maybe raise her voice when you two don't see eye to eye but she's trying. She's really trying to change that.
And to all the mommas out there.
Happy Momma's Day :3

you guys should check out the google homepage. I got this there naaaaw

*wink

9 days til the real thing.
9 days til the real deal.
And I'm here. Doing nothing productive.
I feel so lazy but yet I don't want to flunk.
I lost all will to study now and I'm desperately trying to get it back.
I know I'll regret it if I don't study but part of me just won't let me study.
Speaking of regrets.
I'm not sure if re-checking my MUET was a good idea or not.
I need only 3 more marks to get to band 4, 3 more stinking marks.
Everyone else was crazy about retaking and re-checking and there I was.
Standing in the middle again.
Dammn why do I always end up in the middle.
You know why?
Because I am indecisive.
I can't make my own decisions.
I need opinions and these opinions often leaves me even more doubtful than I already was.
In the end.
I decided to re-check anyways. I mean I've got nothing to lose right?
Except that RM 70
I guess it's better to regret something you did than regretting over something you didn't.
I have balls! So I did it. I just hope, it was worth it.
I'm staring into space most of the time.
I'm holding my book, grabbing my pen but nothing goes in.
Rather, more things tend to come out... from my mouth.
I can never study with friends.
It wouldn't be studying if I'm around.
I like to talk a lot and I tend to distract other people in the process.
Which is always the reason why I turn my friends down when they asked me to go study with them.
I like studying alone but I don't like to be lonely.
I hate it when people make noise in the library.
It'll make me feel and look bad if I don't do anything about it.
Look bad part is when I don't do anything.
Feel bad part is when I scold the other younger kids.
Today I sarcastically but politely asked some lower form kids to shut up because they seriously treated the library like it was a playground. They nod and urged their friends to shut up and then the next three minutes, they're at it again. I got really pissed. I mean I did say to shut the eff up didn't I?
Also, a simple fact about our school. Well maybe not our school but out librarians.
Did you know?
That the percentage of librarians in our school is 2.5% out of the whole student body?
Did you know?
That the kids in our school likes to borrow books from the library and make a big FAT mess out of everything.
Did they know?
That only 2.5% of them has to arrange all their mess for them.
Well, now you know.