UniMAP MSK 2014/2015

I made a promise and here I am trying to keep it. Just right before September started, I am officially a U kid. Dad and I boarded the plane on the 31st of August (my first time being on a plane) to KL and then another one to Alor Setar. We then took a taxi and went to stay at a rest house in Kuala Perlis. It was a nice place to stay for the night and to prepare for the worst (registration day). Dad then rented a car and we drove all over Perlis for over 3 hours with the help of the GPS (and some UniMAP kids along the way) what? We had to ask for directions. Had Domino's for dinner (Yes, we do have Domino's pizza here in Perlis) and got back to rest early.

September 01
I woke up really early that day, not sure if I was nervous or if it was just my biological clock putting up a show. I got up and drew the curtains, 6.30 AM and it is still pitch black. No way you'll ever see that in Sabah. Woke dad up when I went in the showers (No, I wasn't singing Taylor Swift) We both got up and left 30 minutes earlier that day.

Dad wanted to have breakfast first so we drove to somewhere around Arau and found this little chinese restaurant there. The food here is cheap. So much cheaper than it is in Sabah. Where can you get Kon Lo Mee for RM3.50 in Sabah? Breakfast ended really quick, it made a little sad. We drove further into Changlun where the main campus is and the GPS made us miss a junction and the next U-turn was a hundred years away. Just after we entered the main campus, my dad made comments about how hot Perlis is and that I should drink more water in the future so I wont't get sick easily. I nodded my head all the way to the parking until I felt something wet in my nose. Blood. Blood. Blood. On my registration day. Dad freaked out on me and made me lay down for a bit and then enhanced his 'drink more water' lecture. This time I couldn't nod so I just said ok ok ok ok ok. The bleeding stopped even before we got a parking because oh god this place is crowded. Everywhere, people roam. We got down and I walked confidently yet timidly towards the registration hall. The PPMS (the ones in charge of the MSK) ushered us to the right halls and to my surprise everything went pretty smoothly. Dad didn't have to go through it with me so he just waited outside bought me this really cute UniMAP keychain. Thanks daddy :3 After that, it was more driving. Lots more. To the hostel (Padang Besar) The closer we got to our destination, the heavier my heart sank. These guys here are quite efficient. We got there early and I got a good spot too. Second floor. Not bad. At least I don't have to climb so high up. The lift was very convenient for my broken luggage. It was 22kg or maybe even more and I made dad bring it upstairs for me (because he won't let me take it) I got to my room and there sat a lady on the bed so I took the other one. She talked about coming from Johor and then my roomate walked in. We become friends :) All this is faith. It doesn't end here. Dad insist we drive back to Kangar which is so far away, just to buy me a table and some electrical stuff. Guilty. Guilty daughter. My dad spent so much money on me and I felt really bad about it. He then sent me back up to the hostel and helped me put on the lock to my wardrobe, he even walked around the campus just to make sure I can survive in this place. He came back telling I can get water from the shop lots there and was my clothes down at the laundry room and had another look around the room. He then got up and was ready to leave. I waved him all the way to the car and tried so hard not to cry. No way am I going to make him feel bad for leaving me here. No way I'm going to let him think I'm not strong enough for this. He got on his car and I waved back at him for one last time and he drove off. I still didn't cry. I packed my stuff and talked to my roomie and then it was time for orientation. That night I saw eye candy and everything seemed a little less depressing.

September 2
Slept at 1AM trying to shower. We have 8 in a house and 2 bathrooms. I am not complaining. The other hostels have it worst. We here in Uniciti are the luckiest bunch. Woke up at 5,30AM and went down to the bustop for the 6.30 AM bus. The queue here is always LONG. So LONG you get fed up after a few times. The fed us breakfast and sent us to the Dewan  2020 in Kangar. Every bus trip we get last  at least 30 minutes. At least. We were supposed to register, receive stuff, and a photo session for the matirx card. This three things took me from 8AM to 5PM because of the LONG LONG **** ASS LONG QUEUE. It was so boring that night. I forgot what they planned for us. I was too busy trying to stay awake. The lack of water and wifi didn't help.

September 3 /September 4
We were asked to swear to always be good kids here in UniMAP and I said sure. Why not? Other than that, it was more 'OMG I am so tired let me sleep' or 'OMG shut up already' until one night, we ere suppose to have a Moral Session where the muslim and non muslim got separated and it somehow turned into a Ko-K promo session. Mr Eye Candy. He was there and for the first time in that week. I stayed awake. Met Jeck's friend form Keningau and the three of us Sabahans rocked that night. What? 3? Oh. Didn't I tell you? Miss Jay was there with me.

September 5
No more 'just let me sleep' session. We went on a trip hooray. We visited a lot of places. But what really planted my roots to stay here was the Library in Pauh. So very beautiful. So very interesting. Nothing like I have ever seen. I am thinking of posting more stuff about the library in the near future. Bear with me. Hres a glimpse of the auditorium.

We had some more lectures that night when I was interupted by one PPMS. He ushered me upstairs and there were already a bunch of girls up there. Oh god. It was our coloured hair. Gee. I dyed my hair black okay? It's not like I'm asking it to fade or anything. I wasn't alone. Miss Jay was there with me. Some of the girls got into conflict with the PPMS and there was crying and a little shouting. I didn't want to get involve. They let us off the hook and made sure we sat somewhere the Canselor won't see us. Good choice. Miss Jay and I got to catch up the night because we were problematic U kids. I got on the bus back to Uniciti and received a messaged from my sister. She remembered my birthday and going through all that was- hard. I got sentimental and cried a little in the bus. My roomie saw me and gave me tissue. My other friends didn't see me. I didn't want them to.

September 6
Got back to the hostel pretty late. Took a bath. Dried my hair and collapsed. My gals her, to my surprise woke me and sang me a birthday song. I wanted to cry but I didn't. I wasn't trying to seem ungrateful but I just couldn't go through with it again. But gals really, you guys made my day. There was no cake, no candles but there was love and a sleepy me.

Went back to bed and left my roomie to clean up. #evilroomie Woke up just before we had to leave to the field. (Not paddy field) so, I got to break a Malaysian Book Record by joining in a human domino event. Sounds quite stupid I know but it was really fun. Everyone of us got a number. Not exactly what I expected but yeah-

Look I even spotted my birth date on this guy I don't even know. Sorry dude.

People Mountain People Sea.

Eye Candy was there too.

Here's a glimpse I guess :)

We were given brunch that day and everyone was hungry. I got on the bus and checked my phone. Eye Candy. My Eye Candy. Text me. He freaking text me. I knew from the start that it was roomie. She took into accounts the good things I said about Eye Candy and she made him send me a birthday message. It was nice. #laughs #taktaumalu I probably scared him shitless. Sorry, it was just a simple compliment.
The concert that night was nice. I had fun. Got back near 2AM and that was the end of my birthday.

September 7
Woke up at 6.30AM. Went back to bed. Woke up an hour later and I was late for the bus. I rushed down to catch the bus to church and luckily it was still there. I followed 3 seniors there and met a few more in the church too. It's been so long since I went to a proper mass and #phew I did it. I wasn't hard. Never fear conflict he say, just act like adults. The seniors are so damn nice I almost cried. One of them drove us down to breakfast and the other two gave us a tour around Kangar.

Food so cheap. I love it here. 
People might think it's really sad to come to Perlis to study because there is just no entertainment around. However, that's not entirely true. This place is really nice. Shop lots. Some small cafes all within walking distance in the hostel.

It looks even better at night.

There's a first for everything. It's all about taking the first step :)

#fourletterword

Dear XXX,
Thank you for everything. I know school ended long ago and we never really have the chance to meet every single week and I know I always turn you down on outings and stuff but know that I really really long to spend more time with you. Whenever it's just the two of us, there's is just no stopping us from going all emotional and talk about 'things'. To be honest, I was a little worried that we wouldn't be able to go back to how we used to be, mostly because we don't really encounter the same things anymore and that we don't really talk much on a daily basis. Well, you proved me wrong. I was so glad that some things just won't ever change and I am happy about it. Nothing can ever come between us, I believe. Because no matter what happens, I can always count on you to have my back. Always. Thank you. I love you :)

Dear XXX,
I noticed how- we just don't talk that much anymore. We used to be so- in sync and now when I'm with you, I feel like there's a wall between us. A wall that wasn't there before. We used to talk about everything, not everything but we somehow always find something to chat about it. I don't know if you're just busy with stuff, I completely understand. I'm not pointing fingers either so please don't get me wrong. I'm just saying- I missed how we used to act around each other. Well, nothing lasts forever.

Dear XXX,
I love you. I still do. No matter how hard I try, there is just no erasing it. I tried, I really did but this stubborn heart just won't give up that easily. I know I'm not suppose to and I know I'm not suppose to let it show but I don't want to hide it and I have no reason to. I don't want to hide anything from you. Not you, definitely not the whole world. I guess it goes to show even if I don't mention your name here. For one long year, I've tried to convince myself that I was still young and naive,  I didn't know what I want. I don't see what's in store for me in the future. It's true. Til this day, I still have no idea what is it waiting for me somewhere 10 years later//20 years later. I tried to distract myself, making sure I always have work to do, always having something else to think about. I have to say, it did work. For a little while. I continued to lie to myself, lied to my heart, betraying my feelings. I thought that if I shun them away long enough, they'll just magically disappear. -laughs- girl where did you learn that from? Every time you say something, every word you say to me, every single thing you do for or not for me, affected me in so many ways that you will never ever understand. I try to stop myself at times but all that only leads to more craving. Everything you do is a big deal to me. Now and forever will. Because you know me better than anyone else. Because I know that you would understand. Because I know how you want me to be honest with you. Because  I know writing this here isn't going to sabotage what we have. I was able to. Of course, it feels bad at first. People tend to want things more when they are denied. It's true how it affect how you think and feel about things in general. Oh take it from me, I think I know enough to be commenting on this. I was in that dark place, I was being a kid, I was being the negative side of me. I lost all sense of rationality I had back then. Well, I guess love makes you do stupid things. Like I said. WAS. Now, I see things differently. I was able to let things go, I was able to be honest and upfront about my own feelings, I was able to give my heart a chance. Once you admit something, it will be easier to deal with. So much easier, HAHA. I noticed that- I don't need to have you for myself. I don't need to cling to you all the time. I also don't have to feel so bad about myself everytime I think about you. That's all because I love you. From the bottom of my heart. All I want is for you to be happy too. Seeing you happy, has got to be one of the most rewarding things in life. Being by your side, have you share your ups and downs with me. Those are the actual things that I like experiencing everyday. Just know that, this doesn't change anything. I would still be me and you will still be you and of course, we will still be us. I love you :)

#neonlights

Antie: 'Aiyah you finish form 6 already ah?'
Me: -Nods timidly- 'yeah...'
Antie: 'Ooohhhhh Lower six or Upper six ah?'
Me: 'Urm... Upper six?'
Antie: 'Ooohhhhh so fast owh! so where you want go? where you want study? what you want study? your dad let you go oversea mah? you are science stream is it? etc etc.'
Me: -awkward smile- 'he.he.he. see first oh antie.'

Yeah. Try going through that every single time you encounter one of my aunts or my parents' aunts or maybe their aunts' aunts. I'm not trying to be rude here and no I wasn't rude enough not answering their questions. I did try telling them initially but all of them just give me this 'aiyoyoh' look EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I stopped trying to explain what I want to do or where I want to study to them altogether. It was easier saying things like 'IDK' or 'SEEFIRST' it shuts most of them up. You'll have to be very unlucky to encounter those persistent anties who digs information out of you like you just killed one of their sons or something. I'm having doubts about what I want to, exactly the reason why I haven't even touched my UPU pin. I don't want to make hasty decisions but I also want to just get on with it. I'm stuck in between what I should or want to do. The things that I want to do is just not something my parents might approve of. I don't blame them really. The thing I should do and the thing I want to do are just TWO very different things. They'll probably get mad at me for being this indecisive but yes, welcome to my brain, try to get to know your daughter more. I never thought making these decision would be so hard. Why is it so easy for everyone else? What am I lacking?-cecil harvey quote-

And then there's this other problem. I will admit that I want to go away too. I don't want to stay here. I can't be the only one, right? I mean- is it wrong that I feel this way? Wanting to go abroad just like everyone else? No. I don't think it's wrong. What's wrong is having to burden my family for my own selfish needs. Maybe not now, not this lifetime but then it strikes me. I only live once right?