Another week and I'll be leaving home and going back to Perlis. Another week and I will have to face another four months of constant torture. Sure. It was all fun when I first got there (okay maybe not that much fun, hello people? Living in Perlis?) If I were to write a list about the things I hate/dislike about that place. I might as well change the title of this post right now. Times like this got me reminiscing about the good old Pre-U days. Times when I was still ambitious, the fire inside still in flames. Now, when I look at myself. I can only see charcoal. I know that I made this choice for myself. I know I picked everything out for myself and that I am not suppose to regret anything but it's hard. I was young. I was naive. I thought I wanted this but maybe not so much anymore. Maybe, Engineering is just not for me.
No. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I am doing badly in the first semester rather it's just really stressful and tiring to keep up with everything. Did I mention that most of my labs and classes are 30 minutes bus trip away? Imagine how early I'd have to get up just to get ready for a 8AM class. Yes, empathize people. I know that the University cannot help it that the Schools and Hostels are so far away from each other but as a student who has to go through and fro everyday, I just can't help but complain a little. Oh, you might think that these reasons are not legit enough for me to quit Engineering so I suggest you to keep reading. Now, tell me one thing. What is it that the 20 year old you cannot live without? Everyone has a different story to tell and people will always have something against you no matter what.
The 20 year old (soon to be 21) me desire only a few simple things.
Company. Entertainment. Comfort of my family.
When I say company, I mean the people I grew up with. People who went through things with me, the ones who supported me and got me to where I am standing now. Friends who I'm familiar with, people who I know will never wrong me in any way, those who actually give a crap about whatever it is that I am going through, those who were willing to stay and most importantly, those who will never judge me. The first thing I thought about entering University is that everyone who made it in are "pure evil super genius monsters" who are only in it for themselves and would do anything just to get to the top and I'm not going to lie, it freaked me out and I treated everyone really coldly for the first few weeks and the respond was mutual. I have a few close friends of course, at least I have people to have lunch and dinner with, at least I won't have an empty seat beside me during bus trips, at least I won't have to be alone all the time.
Entertainment. For those who are not familiar with Perlis, you should try google-ing it. That's the first thing I did when I found out that I was going to be spending my 4 years at. To make things a little less whiny and b*tch*n, I'm going to go straight to the point. There is just nothing fun to do there. Nothing at all. Not a mall. Not a cinema. Not a life. All I can do is go for guitar lessons, grab a chatime and watch the paddy fields sway. The worst thing about studying so far away from home is the unbearable distance. I see students from Penang/Kedah go home every two weeks and it strikes me. Every. Single. Time. how I would have to wait for another two months to do so. That comfortable bed of mine. My new puppy Ayato-kun. My mother's cooking and my father's constant care. My annoying lovable brother and my first ever best friend who is also my sister. If I'd have to name one person I have to text every single day. It would be my sister.
Now, I want you to dismiss everything you read above and continue reading.
First of all, I like Engineering. (It's only my first year, my first semester. I believe it is still too early for me to decide) I'm not saying the units are not hard, they are freaking difficult but hey look, I'm willing to take the challenge. Second of all, I do not mind all the long rides I have to make just to get to class. If you ask me, I actually enjoy them very much. It gives me a chance to clear my thoughts, it forces me to wake up early (healthy lifestyle, good thing I have a great biological clock) and it just calms me down. The view is fantastic, paddy fields or not, it is a beautiful place. Moving on, about the "pure evil super genius" thing I mentioned before. I still think that way, well maybe except the pure evil in it for themselves and would do anything just to get to the top These people I met, my coursemates, housemates and so called sapoh group are the only things getting me through the distance from home. I have them to thank for filling my days with tears and laughter. I must say, no matter where you go, you will find people who will love you for who you are. You will find people who will never ever judge you. The only true thing about the last few paragraphs would be the unbearable distance between family and I. Whenever I stay up too late, they are all I ever think about. Not forgetting to mention the Youth I've joined there, these people really inspire me to do something about life.
The reason why I'm blogging about cheesy/sappy stuff I would NEVER blog about is because of
this guy right here.
#obviouslie
