Taking a turn and I'm loving it.

MUST.GET.RID.OF.DEPRESSING.POST. This the main objective today. I understand that I've been filling my blog with a lot of negative energy and I am going to make it up to all my readers(if any) by blogging about something different, something that actually fills myself with joy. -smiles- It was a sincere smile okay? Even if you don't see it, you know I'm sincere. Okay? Okay.
Here I am typing along still thinking about what to blog about while I scroll through my phone gallery trying to remember anything important and HAPPY that happened for the past few weeks. And yes you're in luck! I found some.

Exactly 20 days ago. I finally finished STPM semester 1. It was horrible but but I was HAPPY because it was over but then, I don't think I did really good this time. I have to admit that I didn't finish the whole syllabus, it's not that I don't have time to it's just that I've been slacking off too much thinking that there will be ENOUGH time for everything when it was clear that there wasn't. Damn I have a feeling that I'm going to have to retake after all. The reason why I was studying my ass off as mush as I can is to avoid retaking. TOO BAD SO SAD (okay my bro taught me this and I like it.) FOUR papers and I am not confident with even ONE. I even went to have lunch at MCD with T and Dith before Maths T, oh boy that spicy chicken yum yum LMAO. Alright enough about that, I'm making myself guilty. I am going to reveal a picture. A very ugly one too. Haha.

before and after car crash style

I also did my computer test. I called my tutor just before the first day of STPM telling her that I'll go for the test the next Monday and I even motivated myself to study like crazy for it because I wanted to get a full mark so that the institution would give me money :P well TOO BAD SO SAD I didn't even study. I didn't even finish the 500 questions and I even went to bed early the night before. I have no fear wtf. Woke up the next day and I got really really nervous, I was seriously afraid. 

see I'm still holding the 500 questions with me. I don't look nervous because i'm camwhoring.

And you know what? My tutor promised me 9AM so I thought that I had at least 30 minutes more to finish the 500 questions but she was EARLY. Too early omg. I grabbed my shoes (no socks too lazy) and got on the car and the teacher greeted omg she is so nice, I feel really bad.

tutor: did you do the questions in the CD?
me: -totally forgot about the disc- HUH?
tutor: HAH? you didn't do the CD ah?
me: -shakes heas apologetically-
tutor: Then did you do the 500 questions?
me: -smiles- errr... YA.
tutor: oh then can lah if like that.

dang. guilty dao bao man. If my dad was there he would have said something like "是谁教你讲骗话的?我有教过你咩?" But I had to do it, I didn't want her to worry about me. I got there and did some checking in and stuff ugh the guy at the counter was so SLOW and when I finally got to the room I started sweating. I did the questions so very carefully, putting every ounce of my brain juice into good use. I checked my answers three times and then it was finally time to hit the finish button, it felt like making the biggest decision in my life or something.
-clicked-
-stares at screen-
-internal flail-
I PASSED.
thank you thank you thank you thank you
-kisses the floor-

My dad for some reason suggested that we take a long drive to Lawas that day, we all agreed because I thought it would be fun and stuff. Well it was fun when you get there but the LONG drive was killing me and my back and my neck. Dang it the 6 hour drive really made me moody and cranky. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep but then I didn't. I stayed up and went online and yeah stuff happened. Not gonna talk about that coz it's not important anymore. I saw Angel btw but she didn't see me, HAHA good. Just what I planned dang I can imagine Angel looking around to find me when I told her the color of her shirt. It wasn't really much because I didn't really enjoy my aching back.

Invited Siaw over to my place and we went to my cousin's wedding together. The night before the wedding was alright, we had something to eat and slept really late that night because mom decided that it was a really good time for some ZENQ (11PM++) and of course. I CANNOT RESIST. ZenQ was different that night coz they freaking ran out of pearls. We had to substitute with something else and it felt like eating tadpoles. We did a little painting if you know what I mean ;) and went to bed after 1.59PM. Well, use your imagination. Woke up really early the next day and I was so sleepy, I don't know about Siaw but I'm sure she was craving for more sleep too. We all gathered at my Grandma's place where the groom would come to 接新娘, my other older cousin have prepare some obstacles for the groom omgosh they made him put on mouse ears and a pacifier + dance to Oppa Gangnam Style. All I could think of that time was that they all needed lessons from TK LMAO, they weren't bad but they can do better.

 Got really tired after the whole thing because I didn't get enough sleep! Took a nap and then we attend the ceremony at Dewan Tun Fuad later that evening. Put on the white dress I bought, made Siaw wear her smexy dress and off we went. A lot of people attended and my feet hurt because I was wearing heels again. It was sad but I didn't have any other shoes, I mean I couldn't possibly wear sneakers right?

Siaw and I and lotsa other people in frames.

   see how pretty Siaw is :3

owl necklace from cousin Alicia. I like it.

We left early that night and went to Starbucks. My first starbucks. I feel a little guilty for bailing on my cousin's wedding but oh well you know, STARBUCKS. Slept late again that night ahaha sorry Siaw for making you sleep so late every night.

Had to wake up early again the next morning because we had to attend this urm cash give away ceremony? Okay whatever it is. I got cash and that's all that matters. Had a girl's day out with Siaw and Shnwei teehee

we went to watch Breaking Dawn part 2 wtf I was like
"OMG OMG WHERE'S CARLISLE'S HEAD?"
"YER WHY JASPER DIE?"
"WAAAH JACOB!"
"EFF THAT ARO FACE!"
"WAHLAO WHY HE KILL MY SETH?"
"YER WHY SO MANY PEOPLE DIE?!"
throughout the whole climax. Yes you can ask the girls, I was really annoying HAHA. Damn I feel like having a Twilight Saga marathon! Who wants to join me?
Also. I found myself a new boyfriend. -ham smiles-

SO SMEXY

We also went to Kaison and I spent money on more unnecessary little note books like I always ALWAYS do, took pictures with bears and birds and whatever it is that's cute in that place LOL.

Siaw likes bunnies.

while Shnwei likes chicks

well me? I- I like well you know what :P

We walked around a bit and finally ended up at.. JANG JANG yes you guessed it. STARBUCKS. Toffee Nut Latte is really good nom nom. I want more damn.

28 NOV 2012

finally had a real conversation with a balloon I managed to keep. was really happy. noticed something I never  did. realized some things too. i was really happy. oh. I also got STARBUCKS for peace offering :) but really, you didn't have to. got addicted to Origami and stuff and ended up being obsess with little shiny origami papers. I NEED MOAR.

Siaw's still at my place, I'm going to make her change my nail polish every single night MUAHAHA. Meanwhile, I'm going to keep doing origami and stuff.

this is where my phone sleeps now :3

I'm going to reveal some stuff about me here lol.

1. this is me when I over react.

like I seriously bang on anything in front of me and go ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP.

2. i sleep talk and sleep pat.

ask Siaw. She knows. She's been sleeping with me for days now.

3. i like hugs. i really do.


C:

six letters two words.

what a dull looking balloon, it doesn't even attract my attention and if you ask me I think it kinda looks like an apple too. What? No that's not the point here, what's important is when you let that single thread go. It slips away, and might never come back. But if you're lucky, it might get stuck on something and you get try your best to get it back. The risky part is when it hits something sharp and it just explode, like that. Well, not everything ends that sad, this balloon right here deserves a happy ending too you know? What if, the balloon floated away, far far away, and then it stopped. Some other kid notices it and brought it home. Well, that's just what if...
A balloon is filled with air, isn't it? It shrinks with time too, losing every bit of that bad air and leave only those that are worth keeping, even if it fluctuates to it's most pathetic form. The balloon only keeps that little much with it, that little much.
That single thread that you carefully hold on to.

Holding on too tight and you exert too much on it.

Losing your grip little by little and it would slip away.

Maybe not right away, but it happens.
There you are with that red balloon in your hand and the next thing you know, you are now desperately holding onto the edge of that only single thread. And then it's entirely up to you, whether to stop trying and let the balloon go or continue to pulling it in and it yours again.
The thread was starting to hurt your fingers, it bring tears to your eyes. You let go a little decided that it's best to give up and then you realize, that the balloon was way too important to give up on. You tighten your grip, ignoring the pain it's been giving you and you slowly try to pull it back in. Slowly, carefully, patiently, ignoring every bustling nerves and just waited, not sure if your effort was enough, you look up at the balloon. No matter how hard you try, it doesn't seem to be drawing nearer at all.
And then there you know it, it's finally time.
Well, a balloon is just a balloon, it doesn't know how to fight for itself. It certainly doesn't know how to fight for others either. It's understandable.

deal with it

People come and go, you just have to deal with it. Not every can stay and not everyone would want to. I know coz I left some people in life but I'm unsure if anyone has ever left me. There probably is and probably will be more too. Meeting someone doesn't mean that they'll stay forever, once they have done their purpose, they are going to leave you just like that, not turning back, no looking back, no nothing. I did a lot of thinking last night and I found out that the reason why I've been so unhappy about things right now is because of me, myself.
I am about to reveal the dark side of myself here and I hope I still have friends after this.

1. I have the constant need to feel appreciated.
Let it be a small or huge thing, I want part of it. I don't always want center attention but I need to be a part of it. So when people leave me behind or set me aside, I just- crack. Yeah I'm that kind of a person and I reckon I always will be too. This is one thing I hate about myself. I can't even control it you know? I tell myself that there's nothing to be angry about and then I make up some excuse about how I should be a part of it and then explode. Just like that. I know and I truly understand that there are times when people just want to spend time with other people and stuff and I really get it because I too spend a lot time with other different people. This is why I say I am fucking selfish. I only think about what I want.

2. I am afraid of being replaced.
This. I feel really insecure all the time and  end up saying shit to people and ruin everything. When I put someone first, I want them to do the same too you know but we all know that's impossible. Different people feel for different people. When a heart breaks not it don't break even. It hurts more on this side or that side or maybe it doesn't hurt at all. I just want to be #1 sometimes (sheesh I sound so full of myself) I hate feeling insecure. It sucks the soul out of me. I guess the only way I can get rid of this is to just freaking don't care. But I can't do that. I care about every little thing, I observe every little thing, even if it's from the corner of my eyes. I SEE THINGS and keep quiet about it if I think it's none of my business. I don't want to be replaced and I don't want to feel like I'm being replaced either, it does really bad things to my self esteem and it makes me feel like I'm no better than poop in a toilet bowl.

3. I get jealous easily. 
Statement 3 really clicks with the two previous ones. I admit that I get jealous a lot. You might not know it but I probably was jealous of you before. I don't like being jealous but I go ahead and do it anyways. Just kidding, what I mean is that I can't help it. I see something jealous potential, I do three things. First, I look away. Second, I make up some crazy strategies in my head and realize that there's no way I can do things like that. Third, SWEAR. Well sometimes I actually tell a few people about it, and of course like any other real friend would do, they tell me that I'm just thinking too much and stuff. I KNOW. That's why I was jealous the first place, because I was thinking too much. My sister is the best listener ever, I admit that sometimes she get annoyed too if I complain too much but she'll always "pasang telinga" and let me blab about things that I am too lazy to type on my blog.

These are the 3 main things I have to get rid of right now. The more I look at it, the more I think that they all came from the same category. Bitch category. I've done things that I'm not proud of and there are things that I regret not doing. You know sometimes you just got to take a chance, or you will never find what you're looking for. Well of course, sometime it doesn't turn out the way you want it to be but I'm sure you'd find something after the storm. It might be a rainbow? Or a Leprechaun!? Okay what am I saying?

Life's too short. I don't want stupid things like this to ruin what's in store for me in the future. Sometimes you just need to freaking move on( yeah right aud, like you can do that ), maybe not right away but you will. Like one my friend said the other day, it really hit me. Moving on is different for everyone, some might take a really long time and some might not, but one thing's for sure, you will eventually forget and move on. They say that time heal all wounds, but what am I suppose to do with that ugly scar? sometimes I just want someone to fight for me you know? make me feel wanted again. even if it's just one person.

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” 

― David Richo

come and get it.

100 assumptions/facts about my guy best friend

1. he is a stick.
2. he likes strawberries.
3. he can drive. (I CAN'T)
4. he likes domo t shirts and owns some i think.
5. he can play the piano.
6. he has a huge mirror in his bathroom. (scary)
7. he likes the color blue.
8. he oversleeps.
9. he wakes up and goes back to sleep.
10. he has a constant need to nap.
11. he cannot cry.
12. he doesn't admit it when he is angry.
13.  he tends to nap longer when he's mad.
14. he likes to GANGNAM and he can too.
15. he can only order food from familiar places.
16. he likes ZENQ.
17. he likes to sing.
18. he likes to make me sing.
19. he thinks I'm too high pitched.
20. he likes to make me scribble lyrics on his table.
21. he gets all of my jokes.
22. he is very bad at comforting though
23. he makes up for it for being understanding
24. he can be a little insensitive at times.
25. he is also oblivious. (not sure if it's an act)
26. he has a problem talking to new people.
27. he thinks it's hard for him to make new friends.
28. he thinks sodas are meant to be poured at your future best friend.
29. he had a food fight with me back in 2009
30. he went to PLKN and he likes it lol
31. he is the first guy i slapped.
32. he is taller than me. ( HE USED TO BE SHORTER! )
33. he was bullied BY me back in 2007
34. he was a nerd. I used to call him that
35. he is a pervert.
36. he might not look like it but he is an attention whore.
37. he has a very loud laugh.
38. he can make anything funny.
39. he thinks my boobs are a hindrance.
40. he doesn't like public affection.
41. he does like hugging other guys in public though
42. he is anti social at times ( never with me. )
43. he likes to blog but has too little time.
44. he makes things a whole lot easier for me.
45. he is very well organized. ( his room is cleaner than mine. )
46. he procrastinates a lot.
47. he does't have the ability to process new stuff very quickly.
48. he thinks that's the reason why he never smiles back to new people that fast.
49. he is a silent stalker.
50. he likes to camwhore thanks to me and JUDTIH and BRIAN
51. he doesn't like his phone.
52. he turned down i Phone 5 because he wanted a flip phone.
53. he is very nice once you get to know him.
54. he loves music.
55. he loves memorizing lyrics too I bet!
56. he wants to drive a Myvi. (why?)
57. he wants to know where Brian lives. (I want to too haha)
58. he is one of my karaoke partners.
59. he is an introvert + extrovert. ( i can't really tell anymore. )
60. he is VERY bad at expressing himself that's why I dig it out of him every time.
61. he is a slow texter/replier
62. he is a scorpio.
63. he is younger than me. (by a month or so. STILL younger)
64. he likes to be on facebook.
65. he has a surprisingly caring cousin.
66. he is extreme when it comes to Truth or Dare
67. he is shameless when it comes to a group of close friends.
68. he is a good brother and a good son. ( well good enough I think. )
69. he is !@#$%^&*(
70. he can be secretly caring at times.
71. he likes cute emoticons.
72. he brought me to prom.
73. he didn't get me a corsage. (there was no need but yeah you know-)
74. he always pretends to forget about my birthday. (what if he wasn't?)
75. he is very convincing.
76. he likes Lightning.
77. he knows I hate Lighting's sister.
78. he loves his mom.
79. he hates paying for parking ticket.
80. he was obsess about finding a vest for prom that day
81. he likes 那些年。
82. he looks like he has constipation when he's doing maths.
83. he likes to go to the library.
84. he can't study at home.
85. he was ketua perbarisan before.
86. he loves our GREENIES
87. he always gets straight to the point.
88. he is my best friend. ( i cannot believe it took me only 20% of the time i used to think of 100 facts about myself to write 100 things about you. )
89. he wants to make people proud.
90. he has made me proud.
91. he is weird but that's what I love about him.
92. he is moving away and it pains me.
93. he is the only guy I trust like crazy so please don't ever lie to me.
94. he is that one person i can be AUDREY with.
95. he invented laws for me. (AUDREY'S LAW)
96. he never gets tired of my constant complaining.
97. he didn't leave after knowing TWO sides of me.
98. he's special and I am afraid of losing him.
99. he doesn't know that no matter how many times he pisses me off, I will always stay.
100. he is someone I would like to keep for the rest of my life.


this is cute haha.