since when did you last update?

SO i know i shouldn't be here coz it's still exam week but i just can't take it anymore. People asked whether i still keep a blog and i say yes. But the things i want to tell the world are just too complicated and I always quit writing half way. Everything just seems so POINTLESS. Lately I've been thinking. Just thinking, sitting there, staring into space and just think. I found out that I've been tiring myself with a lot of things and the worst part is that, it's all my fault and there's just no one i can point my fingers at. I guess it's actually a good thing that not a lot of people read my blog and some might not even know it still exist because I update very little. (wait you don't update dumbass) Everyday I wake up and find myself doing the SAME THING. I have to worry about whether I studied enough for the day and how STPM sem 2 is constantly up my butt. And then there's 'unecessary things' i have to deal with, things that just sticks with me no matter how i try to shake it off. It's exhausting and dull. I feel like studying is all I have to do and if I don't. I AM A FAILURE. There's is just no way. NO WAY. I can score like those brainiacs, yeah I KNOW I KNOW I sound like a pessimist well guess what? I AM ONE. For me, it's actually better to look on the dark side of things, so that you won't expect too much, and you don't fall that hard, and it won't hurt too much. Form 6 is draining me, physically, mentally, emotionaly and however you want to put it. It's not fun anymore if all you have to so is freaking study! All you ever think about is getting good grades. I'm gettin really irritated coz I know I shouldn't have entered FORM6 in the first place and that leads me back to things that happened last year, where I WAS FORCED(without any other choices) to do whatever it is my mother wishes me to do and i listened to her. NOT to myself but to HER and looked where that got me. A bunch of things to worry about. what if  my STPM result just isn't good enough? WELL there's always a solution to EVERYTHING! Then maybe I'll just apply to foundation with my SPM results and start over again, WOAH then everyone in class would be two years YOUNGER than me. isn't that just cool? I am never going to let other people choose for me again, if I want to regret something. I want to be the cause of it. Well I'm not saying Form 6 is horrible and stuff, I met new people, new friends, a new experience, and stuff but i just so happen had the time to think about what i really wanted and this isn't really it. Where am I suppose to go after this? What I am suppose to do? But most importantly, WHERE AM I NOW? So little courage, so little time. People whom I thought would always be there for me, isn't really capable of giving me the support I needed. Things I used to do to make me happy always seems to be pushed aside merely to tune down the guilt I might put on myself for not studying. All I ever post about is all my worries now, no wonder no one ever reads my blog anymore =-= I wouldn't want to read it myself WTF