#blue thoughts

it's funny how sometimes the most random people can say the sweetest things and how the important ones just end up hurting you every time. Well maybe, it's because they are important, their opinions matter, every little thing they do matter. today someone said something that made me feel good about myself. I mean I always have Miss Scorpio, Mr Bear Cat and my fifits for that but this time it's totally out of the blue and i wasn't even expecting it. AT ALL. i have feeling that he might not even know how his words really made me happy, he said it so nonchalantly and it sounded sincere, NOT a hint of insecurity or doubt in it. Well, knowing me, I'm going to say something like... 'urm maybe he didn't really mean it.' or 'don't think so much lah, he was just trying to be nice.' and stuff like that. I tell you I can go on and on about small things like this. Look, if you think I might have special feelings for this someone. Please snap out of it. When I write something like this about someone, it doesn't have to mean that I want in his pants. He is a very fun and nice guy though and he is good company. okay let's put that really really random thought aside.

what I really should talk about right now is about the 'transfer duty' which is the direct translation from the malay phrase. Gee  please forgive me, I'm really tired. I was nervous the whole day, I think I was partially scared too. It felt like I'm going to lose everything and that the library I worked so hard on is going to be passed on to someone I don't really know. What if he/she makes a mess out of things? What if I hand it over to someone who isn't worthy? I remember Mr Bear Cat leaving the library to me, I did my best, I really did. Seriously, I am given too much credit. Truth is, the other AJKs work the butts off just as much as I do or heck maybe even more but I am the one who gets the extra mark. Yes I feel very guilty but no one is suppose to find out about it. The 'transfer duty' HAHA went okay I think .Just that I think I might gone overboard with a lower six, I'm pretty sure he hates me now. I wouldn't be surprise he wouldn't want to talk to me again for the rest of the year. If he ever reads this. I'm going to leave a little note here. 

Mr Playful, I'm sorry if you think I'm picking on you. I'm sorry if you think I'm only mean to you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but know that I think well of you. Okay maybe you did gave me a bad impression when you were all whiny when I asked you to do stuff but I also understand that you worry about your studies. That's why you are very reluctant to join anything. I bully people I like. You should know that. Well I don't 'like' like you. I just mean I like you as a friend or maybe a little brother. You make my day sometimes when you wave or smile at me. I really hope you don't stop doing those and I'm going to stop treating you and the other juniors like crap now that I'm NOT your president anymore. I'm your friend. 

I guess the new President is trustworthy. The way he stood in front and told the whole class how he wants to be the next president proudly. I admired that courage, I could have never done that so I guess that's why he got my vote. I hope he'll hold on. I know it's hard sometimes but I know he'll get through it because he has 20 subordinates. Well as for me, I had 14 minions! -laughs- okay I did not mean to offend anyone okay? it was a joke. I just realized that today was the last time all of us PSS would be able to stand in front of the whole class like that. It felt nice. We felt like a team. It reminded me of the times we were asked to do impossible things and we puled through, the times I throw a freaking tantrum because we were always given last minute jobs! The times we joked around the round table in the library. All of that is coming to an end. It makes me really sad but also proud because I was apart of all those beautiful things, all these beautiful people. You guys are my heroes. Also I'm going to have to asked those who nicknamed me Miss President to start looking for a new one*wink* I'm not the one ruling your asses anymore. 

So much to do, So little time.

'we kissed, 

I fell under your spell.

a love,

no one can deny.'

okay that wasn't suppose to mean anything.