#bananacookies

changed my link. changed my background. changed my username. changed my picture. because i just noticed how ugly they used to be wtf. and also i feel like reducing my stalkers. i'm sorry i'm blogging so much this week. i'll try not to blog so much. i just feel like filling my new background with some words. i guess i'll talk about the library this time. how clueless i was when i was selected as president around this time a year ago. votes were done. decisions are made. hands were shook. then BAM. you get a shitload of responsibilities. i know it's not like it's all that being the head of the library, i mean people assume that you only have to arrange books, borrow and return books, clean the shelves and stuff and maybe yes that's pretty much all we do but things aren't that easy. how would feel having to arrange the books every time and come back to only find another whole pile of mess. you won't get to fret. you won't get to complain. you can't get mad (and we all that's just impossible for Audrey). the new form 6 system is really giving us a hard time. No, i'm not going to complain about form 6 being SO hard because i'm practically immune to the whole thing. it's just that it does reduce the time we have to actually organized some activities for the library, i personally have a lot of things i would like to do with the library, but the teacher usually cockblocks me or i just don't have the determination or time to actually start. here i am sitting, thinking back about all the things my comrades and i have done for the library. it's truly something i will always remember for the rest of my life. it's the thing how i know i can just rely on them and that they can depend on me. it puts me at ease to work with these wonderful people because they do a great job at anything i throw at them. whenever i have a problem. i grab some of them and *drum rolls* the problem just automatically solves itself. i'm writing this because it's almost time for all of us to retire. i would like to thank everyone of the AJKs for all their hardwork. Miss Principal, always always on time with the merit marks. always always there to arrange the books neatly. Miss Enlighten, always ready to stay back or come back on a Saturday to help out, always open to suggestions and always ready to lend a hand. Miss Angel. Thank you for taking care of our money. thank you for doing all the accounts. thank you for being such an awesome promoter too. i need to thank you for selling all of the bookmarks the library made :) we wouldn't have done it without you.  Not forgetting Mr we-have-the-same-bday. Thank you so much for putting up with our gossips and moodswings, thank you so much for arranging the books when no one else wants to do it, thank you so much for all the jokes you make to try and cheer me up. it means a lot to me and to the girls :) Miss Snow White, i remember the gorgeous cards you made during Family Reading Day. Miss psyduck and all her cute gestures, i must thank you for you creativeness. we wouldn't have been able to put that head up on that backdrop if it wasn't for you ;) Miss Scorpio, for always typing all the stuff i don't want to, for always jotting down everything i say during meetings, always doings so MORE than you should, always coming back on a saturday to help even though you live on the other side of the planet, always reducing my burdens. Miss Banana, always coming into the library without a card because the discipline unit never gave you yours. Miss CC, for always giving me advice, always asking me if i need help. thank you. Now that our days as Library committee members are coming to an end, let's rejoice on our soon to be freedom :)

'So I'm wishing, wishing further

For the excitement to arrive'

#carrot-bunny

i think it's probably time i do some serious blogging. so here it goes.

life is beautiful. so many things left unsaid. so many things to discover. so many places you wish to go. so many things you wish to do. so many people you'd like to meet and of course, tones choices of people you could spend your whole life with. so little time.

you might be going through a storm now but everyone knows that a rainbow is what you'll see after. you might feel like jumping off a cliff but i guarantee you that you're going to regret it when you're already flying through the free fall. you might feel like you're drifting away and no one seems to notice but i swear that someone is going to pull you back because they care enough. you might feel like things are just better left unsaid but one day it will come back and haunt you. you might feel like being brave takes up too much courage but enduring it will take up even more.

sometimes it's just better to be frank. sometimes it's better to just express yourself. sometimes it's just better to make people understand how you feel. sometimes it's just better to break down the wall. sometimes it's just better to be truthful, truthful to yourself. it's good to avoid conflict. it's good to avoid heartbreak. but how is it that you grow from the mistakes if you avoid all the hardships in life. it's okay to be afraid. it's okay to feel insecure. it's okay to break down. it's okay to cry. it's okay if you need something to lean on. it's okay if that person has to be me. i'm right here. whether you like it or not.

i find you intriguing as you find my imagination to be. i find you radiant with that personality of yours. i like the way you laugh at all my pointless carrot-bunny jokes. i like how things just goes so well whenever you're around. i like the way you listen and actually empathize with me. i like how you trust me so much because you put all your faith in me. i like how you depend on me and i'd like you to keep doing that whenever you feel like it. you're not alone. i don't want to let you go through this alone. because i want to be the one who's going to pull you back when you drift far far away and if that doesn't work. i'll drift away with you.

'i said can you give it back to me? 

he said never in your wildest dreams.'

#hee

i have terrible terrible mood swings. I cannot count how many times i've went "UGH!" to "YAY~" and then to "GAH!" and back to "AWW~" and the process goes on and on. I can't control these things. They just come and go and if i don't express myself and keep things like this bottle up. One, I would either EXPLODE. Two, I would break down and GROSS sob in front of everyone. It happened a few times now. I haven't got there yet this year and I have my friends to thank ( you know who you are ). I don't know why i fan girl over younger guys, I DON'T KNOW. I don't want to actually but I just cannot help it. I see a cute guy, I have to swoon whether i show it or not. IT happens. Last week had been a stressful week and  i have a feeling it's not going to end soon. I am really frustrated but at the same time happy because that's just me. Take it or leave it. I hope these PBS are over with quickly. I hope these experiments are over with fast. I wish the remaining time we have together would just slow down a little, so that i can take a second to actually wonder about the whys and whens and of course all the what ifs. Okay. back to stressful life. See ya.

# ponytails

Hi there. My name is Audrey. I do wonder what my mom would name me if I was a male. She'd probably give me my little brother's name. OMG nvm. Yes yes, here i am again back with a if i were a boy post. The last one I did was kinda boring if you ask me. It's just paragraphs about how my life would be better if i didn't have boobs. Well life is better if you have smaller boobs. you have no idea how much effort it takes to carry these things around. I swear. I can never keep a straight blog. HAHA i just made a straight joke. Get it? You don't? Really? Okay. Fine. Putting my boobs aside. I'm going to relate being a boy to some of my classmates. I hope I don't offend anyone but if i do, I'm not really sorry.

Well personally, I think Mr BF and I would still be best friend even if I was the opposite gender. Maybe I'd bully him a lot when we were younger but I'll eventually see the 'good' in him and we became the best of friends. HAHA NO. If I were a boy, I'd probably be cool with all the guys. Mr BF and I would be friends but I'm not sure if we'll get to the best friend part. Let me know if you think we would? ;) I'd probably still be a fifit member? PRETTY PLEASE. Very unlikely though. I'm pretty sure Miss iiyee might hate my guts and Miss Moley might think I'm annoying as eff. However, we still get along and they might give me a chance and let me join their chemistry group or maybe physics... Talking about Physics, Mr Bestah would probably be my buddy. We would probably gather all the boys and play ball sometimes. I'd probably be his favorite male student and Miss Jay could be the favorite female student. Speaking of Miss Jay, I'd probably never be able to touch her boobies and have her chase me to take a slam at mine but I think Miss Jay and I would still get along fine. We can still sing duets when we're bored in class or when we want to annoy the hell out of people. She will and probably always be my Karoke partner. Miss Angel, I'd probably play with her a lot. Ruffle her hair sometimes and make her pinch me real hard while i act all tough saying it doesn't hurt but the truth is it felt like she was kicking my nuts. I'm going to talk about the guys in my class first coz there's like only 10 of them. Mr Naruto and Mr Bean. The two guys that isolates themselves and have the front seats. I'd probably have a good time talking anime with these two, they make everything seem interesting. Mr Naruto might say some foul words sometimes, HECK I'm probably going to join him and Mr Bean always say something totally random out of the blue and it makes everyone laugh. Moving on to Mr Freedom, once again I will officially apologize on my blog by almost giving you diabetes mellitus type II. I'd probably enjoy Mr Freedom's company, he talks anime, books and songs. He can be my male duet partner and we can sing all day long and not worrying about if my notes are too high for him to sing along to. Coz you know, we're both guys and yeah we have the same frequency? Mr Tall would totally be my basketball buddy! Mr Jaesuk will probably tag along, we would talk about girls all day. Talking about how the juniors are really pretty this year and tease each other about it too. Mr F,  Mr we-have-the-same-bday and I would probably enjoy some alone time talking about 'stuff' hmmm HAHAHA I'm sure you can guess. Then there's Mr Soccer and Mr Fencing, well we could go yamcha, play ball, urm catch a movie? I'm pretty sure we can work something out. Of course not forgetting Mr Key. Oh boy this guy right here would probably be my gay partner whenever i need to shake off some girl. I'd hang around him and pretend that i'm interested just to chase girls away because Mr Key wouldn't even mind. He's awesome like that ;) Miss Enlighten would probably be afraid of me because I'm like super scary. I'd probably be afraid of Miss Principle. And to all the other girls, they'd probably think I'm BIG pervert. Special dedication goes to this one girl. Miss Scorpio. I emphasize on the horoscope is because it's all we ever relate things with! Miss Scorpio would be that girl who would sing all the Taylor Swift songs I love. She'd probably be my girl best friend. I would like how she over reacts sometimes whenever I try to blow her face and she would work for me MUAHAHA because she is my secretary. Like literally. Library stuff. (WOAH I'd be Mr President then X3) We would spend a lot of time together and I would probably take her to prom( well only if she wants to). We would gossip a lot at the round table even though i'm a guy and a lot people would think that i was dating her. She makes you feel better whenever you feel like dumping your face into a toilet bowl. Things will always be 1238 times more interesting when she is around.

Yes that is all for now. I'm going to leave for tuition in like 3 more minutes so.
Bye :)

#all i know is a simple name

everything has changed.
nah.
i'm kidding.
nothing much changed.
perhaps maybe just a little bit.

rose are red,
violets are blue.
bears are attracted to honey,
the same as i am to you.

there's this one guy i've known for almost 7 years.
our first meeting is somewhere in the back of my mind.
i don't remember.
the only sharp memory i had about him is being the short nerdy looking guy who got bullied a lot during our junior years. We were actually in the same class and i completely ignored his existence. Sorry he didn't stand out too much and i'm only 13! the only things i paid attention to are bad boys and hot seniors. i remember him looking super smart one day during geography and i instantly hated him. I hate it when people are better than me. Yes that is how horrible i am. Noted? Yes? Good, one time we were having a brief conversation under some trees near the teacher's parking lot. I d k but i've probably had a short fuse ever since primary 3 because of reasons. This guy with the initials A.M is my nemesis, but we grew out of it and i guess we can still consider ourselves friends. A.M would never shut up about how i have a crush on his brother D.M even though I DON'T so we fight all the time. with fists and grades and more fists. i believe i have always been this aggressive to my classmates. Back to out main path. Somehow short nerdy looking guy managed to bring me out of my shell, i used my viking powered hands and smack him several times 'everywhere'. i was only putting 40% of my effort into use and he was already crying. he cried and cried and things would be really ugly if the teacher found out. I had to think fast so I humbly offered him ice cream. I was sure that it was going to cheer him up, i was sure that he would stop crying. But little did i know he curved his lips into a sinister smile and that was all it took to set my hands on slapping mode again. Well this is only the beginning of our friendship. Who would ever thought that Mr Short Nerdy Looking guy would be such an important piece in my life now?

He grew taller, I can no longer point my fingers down at him. He grew stronger and now i can't bully him that much. Remember how girls are always asking for a guy best friend? Well let me tell you girls something :)
I actually have one. 
Now go sulk in a corner if you must. this guy calls himself my best friend or so he claims to be but he doesn't understand my mood swings, my reactions and even my decisions. We fight all the time over the stupidest things and we annoy the hell out of each other when we want to. This guy right here brings the worst out of me and it drives me crazy. I am all about reputation, all about appearance. if you can't be pretty, you should at least look presentable and cool. But with this guy, I will always. ALWAYS lose my cool. Even so,  there's no other guy who i can act completely myself with. I can always go all PMS on him and he would take it like a man. I can always go through his things and even if he did mind, he would just keep quiet about it. I can always go to him through every ups and downs because he listens and give his honest opinion on everything even if it's all ugly. I can ruffle his hair and grab his glasses and he would just stare into space. I can unbutton his shirt and have him actually trying to do the same to me! We can perform osmosis on each other. We can wear each others shoes. I can go through his wardrobe but he can't go through mine. We can talk about porn, homework, hot people, porn and of course 'stuff'. He makes me update my blog whenever he has the time, he updates his blog with a lot of paragraphs and NO pictures at all. He thinks rocks make good pets. He likes glasses. He likes fringes. He likes 'bubbles'. He likes to sing. He likes to sleep. He's a scorpio and of course. People often mistaken this wonderful guy for my boyfriend. How wrong can they get? I know I've never officially told anyone but this guy right here is my BF AKA Best Friend and i don't think that's going to change for many more years to come. ;)

your domo shirt has got to go.

#hashtag

today has not been a pleasant day for me. there's just so many things i'm worried about. i'm also really disappointed and mad at myself for not being able to discipline myself. i'm NOT doing anything i planned for myself on weekends. I'm actually procrastinating and NOT doing anything to improve my homework. I can't believe I find anime and books a priority comparing to SO many other things i should be doing. I was having a real good day yesterday too. it's surprising how much a day can flush your good mood down the gutter. and to add salt to the wound. Glee Cast Cory Monteith passed away and he's only 31! The first thing that ran into my mind was Lea, Leas Michele, I can't begin to imagine the look on her face, the pain in her chest when she received the news. Thinking about it tears me up and i wish i was only centimeters away SO i can bear hug her. Cory was a beautiful man, sure he had some problems but he's only human. I couldn't even bring myself to think about what's next for Glee? It's so heartbreaking. The whole thing made me think about the horror of losing someone, the pain, the longing. I can't bear with it. I've never had actually and I don't want to ever. I know it's not possible but, God help me, I don't ever want to be in that kind of situation. The thought of it is terrifying it makes me want to cry. well, that's not the end yet, i still have to tell you guys about how crappy my semester 2 result will be, it's going to be out tonight, midnight. words can't describe how i feel at the moment, i feel like i've been bombarded with BAD news the whole day and something gives me the feeling that I'm about to receive more. I did really badly on the second semester. I studied really hard, I am not going to deny it. I worked my butt out last semester and then i got sick on the first day of the actual exam. FML. at first i wasn't feeling all too bad about it but now that i think of it and how it might have affected my answering, i feel like ripping my own throat out. this education fair we had really got me thinking and we all know where thinking too much gets me. -roars- i'm seriously freaking out right now, my stomach is doing flips. i'm already in a horrible mood, i don't need mr D and mrs M to make it worst for me, you guys could have picked another day to yell at each other. i thought things were going to be different, i thought things will get better and that things will change. i'm not saying that it has to go back to the way it was, but i seriously thought that it would get better. i guess i was wrong.

you guys didn't have to read this. it's crap. sorry.

#goodbyes

Watching Glee is really taking its toll on me. I used to be a huge fan and then I stopped watching just because I convinced myself that I have to focus on studying if I want to get better grades and stuff. Screw that. I find myself being stressed out for a few months, torturing myself inside when what I should really be doing is enjoy myself. Well enjoying myself doesn't mean all play and no homework. It simply means that I have to have fun too. I am freaking dull when all I ever think about it when should I finish my Physics homework or how may chapters of chemistry should I study this week. I forgot about what time should I watch Glee this week or where should I go this Sunday. I have completely kept that aside for these past six months and I regret it so much right now. Watching Glee and hanging out with my friends today reminded me that. All of us, we only have 6 more (scratch that. make it 5) months together. It hurts. It scares me. It makes me want to cry. I hate goodbyes. Never liked them. I know they're just acting but it freaking tore me apart when Blaine thought Kurt was cheating on him and that they almost broke up( this is the episode I'm at now. Don't judge.) I know it's not real. I know it's fake. But I can't help feeling the sorrow, the sadness and every effing episodes made me cry. I am so emotional right now that I can't stop typing.

Everyone graduates. They shake each other hands or give each other a hug and they move on, they walk different paths, not knowing if the paths they choose will ever cross again. This makes me really sad and I don't know why. I never felt this way with my Form 5 classmates but I feel this way with my Form 6 classmates. It feels like we've been through a whole lot together. This one year feels like ten if you ask me. I guess the older you get, the more you start to appreciate. And to think that around this time last year when we first started Form 6, I freaking hated everyone in class. Okay I don't hate them but everyone seems really scary and I feel like they look down on me or something. Okay maybe that's just me and I, I have this freaking tendency to hate smart kids. I still can't quite understand why but I'm sure it's probably due to jealousy or stuff like I'll never be good enough like them... Okay. Main point.
Last year, we were all in our own groups. We sat with only people we were comfortable with. We talked only to people we were comfortable with. It only took one year or maybe less to make us the family we are now. I have to say that I am going to miss every single one of my classmates. Every single one. The crap we give each other, the jokes and the insults + teases we throw at each other but in the end of the day, we were all on the same page and I'm talking about a really huge book here.

These last few months we have together are going to be really exciting. I just know it. I have a lot of things I'm looking forward to. Exciting and not so exciting events. I look forward to them all. I have to say, Form 6 helped me grew up a lot. I know that a lot of people say that kids who go to Form 6 are usually kind of childish and well independent but I don't see it that way. I think it teaches a very valuable lesson in life. H?ow hard life is and not everything will go your way and of course, Time Management. You're going to be needing that for the rest of your lives. Speaking of the rest of our lives. I wonder what would the rest of my life look like. I wonder how long will it take for me to find out. See, this is the exciting things I look forward to. Life, it's a burning thing. Sometimes it extinguishes but with enough oxygen supply, it lightens once more. This is probably the reason why I have yet to killed myself after so many times of depression. I was optimistic enough to look forward. Optimistic enough to convince myself that things will get better and things DO get better. Like they said, there's always a rainbow after a storm. The rest of your life? How will you spend it? Who? will you spend it with? Who will you entrust the rest of your life to? Well, I have a few on my list if you want to know ;)

Oh and my thoughts about the holiday?